Tiffany: I was thinking we should have sex and then kill ourselves.
Larry: Kill ourselves? Wait...have se...wait, kill ourselves?!
Dave: Anyways. That client you just met, Bob. He thinks you're cute, and he wants to know if you are free Friday night.
Dave: Go ahead. Open it.
Hillary: I'm scared.
Dave: Oh, come on, it's just the SATs. I mean, whenever you take a test, I'm happy as long as it doesn't turn out pink or blue.
Larry: You shouldn't judge a book by its cover. You should judge it by its smokin' hot body!
Dave: No, no, I would never let another man touch you.
Vicky: Yeah, and I would never let another woman touch you.
Dave: Yeah, and I would never let another woman touch you. Well, that's not true.
Dave: So, uh, was she hot?
Joe: No, you've met my wife.
Vicky: What is wrong with you? Something good has happened and you can't enjoy it. You have to piss all over it. Come on, can't you just let it go and be happy?
Dave: Have you just met me? I don't let it go, I don't have a stamp collection, I don't whittle, I don't own a ham radio. Pissing on things is my hobby.
Tiffany: Look, we don't have to do this. Life sucks enough without my father having make me go out with a nerd.
Larry: Nerd? Whoa, nellie, I'm no nerd. Oh, I get it. You think this is the real me. Well, it's not. If it were up to me, I'd look like a walking corpse too.
Dave: So, uh, while you're waiting, can I get you anything? A soda? Some pretzels?
Dave: An exorcist?
Dave: So...Tiffany's, uh, quite the young lady.
Bob: Oh, please. She's a nightmare. I want to drop her off in a field, then move, then kill myself to make sure she doesn't find me.