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The War at Home
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| Title: | I Wash My Hands of You |
| Episode Number: | 27 |
| Season: | 2 |
| Season Episode #.: | 5 |
| Production Number: | 3T5606 |
| Original Airdate: | Sunday November 05th, 2006 |
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After Dave and Vicky catch Hillary in a plan to trick them into not finding out she went out on a date with a much older guy, Dave "washes his hands of her". At first, she is enthusiastic about her new found freedom, but the thought of her parents not caring about her soon gets to her head. Meanwhile, Dave makes Vicky give up smoking after he catches her in the garage, and Larry accidentally gets addicted to her nicotine gum.
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| Hillary: So, are you implying that I'm a liar?
Dave: No, I'm implying that you're a bad liar, and that worries the crap out of me. I mean, how are you going to get by in this world, sweetie?
| Hillary: For your information, I wasn't even with Henry tonight.
Dave: Oh! Oh, you lied, huh?
Hillary: Well, you said I was a terrible liar. How am I supposed to get better if I don't practice?
| Vicky: Hey, you want to go upstairs and have a quickie? It'll take my mind off cigarettes.
Dave: Sure. You see, that's a healthy way to deal with an oral fixation.
| Vicky: What the hell was that?
Dave: I don't know, I kind of pulled it out of my ass, but I liked it.
Vicky: Well, as captivating as your ass is, I'm not sure we should base our parenting techniques on things you pull out of it.
| Dave: Just relax, okay, my plan is working.
Vicky: Oh, you mean the plan you pulled out of your ass?
Dave: Yeah, that one.
Vicky: Okay, well, keep pulling. Maybe we can get your head out of there.
| Mike: Garrett just IM'd me, and you know that Henry guy that Hillary went out with tonight? Well, he's in Intensive Care.
Vicky: Oh, my God! What happened?
Mike: He O.D.'d on drugs, they're pumping his stomach right now.
Dave: He O.D.'d on drugs? But that's impossible. He's Asian.
| Hillary: Henry was a cover date.
Dave: Oh, you hear that, Vick? The drug addict was the cover date. Who was the real date, his dealer?
(cut scene)
Hillary's Older Date: I'm not his dealer. I make it a policy never to sell drugs to minors. Dating them is one thing, but, uh, my God, you gotta draw the line somewhere.
| Hillary's Older Date: (cut scene) I'll be your daddy, Hillary. Oh, wait, what's 33 minus 17? Yeah, I actually could be your daddy.
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