In San Francisco, Jim and Artie visit the Ramapur embassy and meet with the Sultan. They welcome him to the U.S. and inform him that President Grant is waiting to meet him in Washington. The Sultan introduces his minister, Gombal, and asks if the journey to Washington is hazardous. The agents assure him that he’ll be safe and the Sultan has first Gombal and then his female servants demonstrate that they are capable of defending their master. The agents point out that the Sultan’s female troops could be distracting and he agrees to travel alone. However, he insists that the agents protect his symbolic gift of international friendship, and insists that the gift embodies Ramapur’s national honor. When they ask what they are escorting, the Sultan shows them a baby white elephant and introduces it as Akbar, ..Read the full recap
Artemus: I wonder what it would cost to furnish our place like that?
James: Artie, it’s not the cost, it’s the upkeep.
Artemus: (to Akbar the elephant) You’re know, you're lucky you’re sacred because you’ve got no talent at all.
Scullen: What is it?
James: It's a big dog with a long nose.
Scullen: Is that so? Well, from the color of it, I would have thought it was one of those hairless polar bears.
Artemus: Where's Akbar?
James: I'm going after him right now.
Artemus: Oh, you are, eh?
James: That's right.
Artemus: Which leaves me of course to handle the really dirty end of the job, doesn't it?
James: What are you talking about?
Artemus: It's facing his chubby highness when he comes to.
James: Old friend, I can tell you this one thing. I'm so very very glad it's you and not me.
Mikolik: My queen, the circus is going bad. Let us get away from here, run away together.
Zoe Zagora: Things are not that bad yet.
James: Next you're going to tell me to drop the knife, right?
Scullen: Oh, you're a mind reader too, eh?
James: If you had a mind to read.
Artemus: How’d you like my coyote?
James: That was a coyote?
Artie: I had three answering calls from females proposing marriage.
Zoe Zagora: But unfortunately we have no job openings. We’re a very small outfit. If we were any smaller, we’d be a flea circus.
Zoe Zagora: I am Zoe Zagora, queen of the Zagora Gypsy Circus. Sorceress, seeress, infallible reader of cards and tea leaves… and bail bond expert.
Mikolik: I give you one final chance to leave us. Everyone will know you are a coward, but at least you will have saved your life.
James: Whenever I go to the theater, I like to stay for a full performance. I naturally want to know how it ends.
Mikolik: It ends with a knife.
Artemus: Oh, by the way, how you getting along with the gypsies?
James: Oh, fine, I’m learning a lot. Here’s your wallet, here’s your watch.
James: Zoe, you must listen to me.
Zoe Zagora: From you, I want to know only one thing: how could you prefer an elephant to me?