Chuck Coleman: I don't believe it. Isn't she beautiful?
Narrator/Adult: Chuck Coleman had one obsession in life. Sheila McCaffrey - clarinet player.
Chuck: I mean, she is hot!
Kevin: Yeah, yeah, yeah...
Chuck: I mean, not just regular hot - I mean, she is...
Kevin: & Chuck: Diaphanous.
Narrator/Adult: For the past three weeks, Chuck had been using that word. I'm pretty sure he thought it meant..."stacked".
Kevin: So, why don't you just ask her out?
Chuck: You can't just make a move on a girl like that! You have to find the precise moment! The perfect thing to say. The right shirt!
Narrator/Adult: Face it. The guy was scared witless.
Kevin: (walking back to a lunchroom table) Chuck?
Kevin: We're here.
Chuck: Oh. Hey, Ricky.
Ricky Halsenbach: Hey, guys.
Narrator/Adult: That was the thing about lunch...You always sat with the same people because...well...You always sat with the same people.
Ricky: (looking at Chuck's food tray) Hey - I get the pickle.
Paul: Hey, guys! What?
Chuck: (to Paul) Nice tie.
Kevin: What...Your mom dress you again?
Paul: Oh, very funny. Look, I-I got a debate tournament this afternoon...I gotta look nice.
Narrator/Adult: Now, of course, Paul was the brain of our group. So we treated him with the respect he deserved.
Chuck: Well, sit down...before somebody sees you!
Paul: Oh, remind me to laugh.
Ricky: Hey, are you gonna have those mashed potatoes?
Paul: Ricky, I just got here.
Alice: (running up to the table) Ricky! Ricky! Did you do your report for Calvin's class?
Ricky: ...what report?
Alice: The report! The one that's due...Today! A thousand words on the day in the life of a citizen of ancient Rome - and if I don't get it done, I'm gonna fail. I'm gonna look like an idiot!
Ricky: Are you sure it's due today?
Alice: Fourteen people told me it was.
Ricky: Well, well, how come we didn't know about it?
Alice: I have to go. I have to find a pencil.
Ricky Halsenbach: Oh, my God!
Kevin: Ricky! Calm down.
Ricky: A thousand words...What am I gonna do? I-I...I don't know...
Narrator/Adult: It was inevitable. Every day, somewhere between fish sticks and Jell-O...Ricky Halsenbach would have at least one academic crisis.
Wayne: I need this, OK?! (grabs Kevin's soda)
Kevin: Buy your own!
Wayne: It's not for me! It's for...Him.
Narrator/Adult: We called him "Maniac". You know the type. You never knew where he came from...What he was thinking...How many family members he might have killed...
Wayne: Some guys...Bet me twenty bucks I couldn't... find out Maniac's real name. Heh-heh
Kevin: And you think a can of soda's gonna do it?
Wayne: Nah-nah-nah-nah. It's just the ice-breaker.
Kevin: You're out of your mind.
Wayne: Hey. For twenty bucks, I'd lick the paint off our house with my tongue. Heh-heh.
Narrator/Adult: I got news for ya. A year later - he did it, for ten.
Ricky: An ancient Roman...lived in a Roman house...with a Roman wife and spoke Roman to a lot of Roman people. What do you think so far?
Paul: Don't change a word.
Chuck: Have you noticed Sheila's skin? It's like that thin paper that we use in typing class.
Paul: Sheila, Sheila - why don't you just go talk to her?
Chuck: I can't...
Ricky: Why not?
Chuck: She's eating.
Paul: It's a cafeteria, Chuck.
Chuck: Paul, you can't ask a girl out when she's eating! It's like a landmine. What happens if she smiles, and she has all these particles of tuna on her teeth? She'd be humiliated. You can't recover from something like that.
Kevin: Chuck, will ya stop acting like such a geek?
Chuck: Well, what do you mean?
Kevin: If you want to ask her out...ask her out.
Narrator/Adult: And, from small ideas do great decisions grow.
Chuck: You're right, Kevin.
Narrator/Adult: So began that long march. That test of fortitude to manhood.
(Chuck walks away, stops and bends down)
Paul: What's he doing?
Kevin: He's tying his shoes.
Paul: But he's got loafers on. OK - here we go.
Kevin: Now, what?
Paul: He's tucking in his shirt.
Ricky: It's tucked, ya doofus!
Paul: Who's he waving at? OK - he's gonna do it now. He's running away.
Kevin: What's the matter with him?
Paul: He did better than I thought he would...
Kevin: What happened?
Ricky: You were right there!
Chuck: My part was off.
Wayne: Look! I'll level with you. I made a bet for twenty dollars, that I could find out your name. Now, I'll give you ten bucks right now...if you will just...tell me your name! Please!
Wayne: Excuse me?
Maniac: My name's Florence.
Wayne: Florence. Well...thanks a lot! I'll never forget this, Florence! Hee-hee.
Maniac: Just one thing. If I find out you told anyone, I swear I'll kill you.
Chuck: Hi...I'm Chuck.
Sheila McCaffry: Hi.
Chuck: I was just wondering, um...if maybe you'd like to...Uh...go out sometime.
Narrator/Adult: Amazing. After three months, Chuck had finally done it.
Sheila: Gee, Chuck...That'd be nice.
Narrator/Adult: And hit pay-dirt. And that's when it happened.
(Chuck's eye starts twitching and his lunch tray shakes)
Chuck: Uh, How about Friday?
Sheila: Friday. Uh, Friday...I have band practice this Friday.
Chuck: Saturday - uh, we could go skating.
Sheila: Oh...Gee...guests from out of town.
Narrator/Adult: It was horrible. Right before our eyes...The kid was twitching his way toward total self-destruction.
Chuck: Uh, how about next weekend?
Sheila: Uh, I think I'm gonna have to study that weekend.
Chuck: The weekend after that?
Sheila: I may have band festival.
Chuck: Um, you know, maybe we should just try this, ya know, when you're not so busy.
Sheila: Yeah. It was great talking to you.