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The Wonder Years :: Sex and Economics (06x04)
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Episode Information |
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| Title: | Sex and Economics |
| Episode #: | 06x04 |
| Original Airdate: | Wednesday October 14th, 1992 |
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Episode Summary |
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Kevin's job as a house painter for a sexy teacher turns out to be real work when his worker's are better goof-off's than employees.
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Guest Stars |
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Main Cast |
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Episode Quotes |
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Narrator/Adult: Junior year was a time of...exploration. A time for expanding horizons, broadening perspectives, seeking answers to little-known questions. It was an opportunity to grapple with the great issues of our day, which as it happened, boiled down to only two.
Miss Lisa Farmer: there were only four independent republics, as compared to now. By the end of 1972, there's gonna be forty-one.
Narrator/Adult: One was sex.
Miss Farmer:Miss Farmer: So...now is everybody paying attention?
Narrator/Adult: Miss Farmer. Our social studies teacher.
Miss Farmer: Who can tell me the names...of three African republics? No one? Let's look at a map.
Narrator/Adult: In one of the great cosmic ironies of our time...The board of education had hired her to mold and develop our formative young minds.
Miss Farmer: Dominick? Can you point out Liberia on the map?
Dominick: It's, uh, that yellow one. Right there.
Miss Farmer: Perhaps you could come up and show us.
Dominick: (embarrased) Uh, can't...m-my foot's asleep.
Narrator/Adult: Not an uncommon ailment in social studies that year.
Alright. Why doesn't everybody just pass up their assignments...
Narrator/Adult: All in all, if you were sixteen and male, it was agony - no one was immune.
| Narrator/Adult: And so, desperation led me to consider once-unthinkable options. In other words - I needed a second job. (Kevin looks at the schools bulletin board) Preferably something that didn't require a name-tag and a shovel. Or a Baggie and a scoop.
Kevin: Brother....
Narrator/Adult: And then, just as luck and money were running out...
Miss Farmer: Oh! Hi, Kevin.
Kevin: Hi.
Narrator/Adult: Lust and fortune stepped in. (Miss Farmer adds a card to the board. "Students wanted for painting project. 123 Dixon St. After school") And opportunity knocked.
(at Miss farmer's house)
Miss Farmer: Kevin! Hi!
Kevin: Hi. I, uh, came about the job.
Miss Farmer: Well, gee, you certainly got here fast!
Kevin: Yeah, well, it's right on the way.
Miss Farmer: Oh...
Kevin: Besides, you know what they say - "the early worm gets the bird." Anyway, uh, here I am.
Miss Farmer: Well, good! Why don't you come on in? I'm making some lemonade.
Narrator/Adult: And the formalities out of the way, negotiations began.
Miss Farmer: Sugar?
Kevin: Hmmm?
Miss Farmer: For your lemonade?
Kevin: Oh. Yeah...
Miss Farmer: So? Don't you even want to know what the job is?
Kevin: Well, it's, uh, painting, right? I've mean I've done lots of painting - all over the place.
Narrator/Adult: Two storm-windows for Dad, and Wayne's forehead when I was six. But who was counting?
Miss Farmer: Oh, I don't know...maybe I should have it done professionally.
Narrator/Adult: But at that moment I'd have killed to keep professionals from her house.
Kevin: Hey, why hire them when you got me?
Narrator/Adult: Babe.
Miss Farmer: Well...if you really think you can.
Kevin: Course I can. So...what would I be painting?
Miss Farmer: The house.
Kevin: The house? The whole house?
Miss Farmer: No - just the outside. The thing is...I don't have much money.
Narrator/Adult: And of course, right then I should have known I was in over my head. I should have known. I should have known, but...
Miss Farmer: How does...five-hundred dollars sound?
Narrator/Adult: And that's when it happened. Right then. Right there. Two great forces of nature converged. Beauty...and cash.
| Narrator/Adult: And so with that, my team was complete. Sure, maybe they weren't much on experience...But they did have their good points. They worked hard, they worked fast. But most of all, they worked cheap.
Jimmy Donnelly: So, Arnold. When you said a few dollars, exactly how few were you talkin' about?
Kevin: I'm not sure. Ya know, I gotta buy supplies...and there's overhead...
Donnelly: In ballpark figures.
Paint Store Clerk: Twenty...Four...Ninety-five.
Donnelly: Thirty.
Kevin: Thirty!?
Narrator/Adult: So this guy wanted to play hardball, huh?
Kevin: Sorry. Twenty-six is my limit.
Donnelly: Twenty-eight. That's as low as I go.
Kevin: Twenty-seven.
Donnelly: I'll go talk to my boys.
Narrator/Adult: Heh-heh. Game, set, and match - Arnold. At eighty-some bucks for labor, plus materials, I'd have enough left from the five hundred to qualify as a small fortune.
(Clerk rings up Kevin's supplies)
Paint Store Clerk: OK. One-forty-two...for the paint. That's twenty-eight...for the brushes. Thirty-five for the rollers. And sixteen bucks for the tarp.
Narrator/Adult: A very small fortune.
Kevin: One-forty-two for the paint? How'd you get that?
Paint Store Clerk: I added! You got a grand-total of two-fifty-eight eighty-eight.
Jimmy Donnelly: OK. We're in.
Narrator/Adult: I was kinda like watching my wallet bleed to death. Still, at least now maybe the hemorrhage was complete.
Paint Store Clerk: Plus tax.
| Narrator/Adult: So that weekend we got to work. We banded together as a team. It was time to put economic differences behind us. It was time...to paint. Sure, maybe we had no idea what we were doing. So what? What we lacked in experience, we made up with...lack of experience. And after two days of work...this was a disaster.
Kevin: Can't you guys go any faster?
Donnelly: We're going as fast as we can.
Kevin: Hey, Donnelly, why don't you take that top window up there?
Donnelly: I'm afraid of heights.
Kevin: I paid you for a second floor.
Donnelly: I know. I appreciate it!
| Eddie Horvath: Hey, Arnold. We're gonna need some more paint.
Narrator/Adult: Time was money, paint was money...I guess I knew what I had to do. I had to ask Miss Farmer for an extra hundred dollars. It shouldn't be difficult. This was business - simple economics. It had nothing to do with anything else.
(Miss Farmer is wearing a zebra-patterned bathing suit and reclining on a chaise-lounge, reading)
Narrator/Adult: Nothing to do with long legs, with soft skin, with the way a woman smelled in the morning.
Kevin: Miss Farmer? You got a second?
Miss Farmer: Hi, Kevin!
Kevin: Uh...hi!
Miss Farmer: I guess it must look kind of silly - me sunbathing here without a pool.
Narrator/Adult: But somehow, "silly" wasn't exactly the word that came to mind.
Miss Farmer: So? How's it going?
Kevin: Oh, fine! It's just...actually, uh, what I came to tell ya is I think it's gonna cost a little more than I thought.
Miss Farmer: Really? Well, you should have told me! You can always come to me when you have a problem.
Narrator/Adult: Holy cow! This was gonna be easier than I thought. I was funded, I was flush! I was back in the chips.
Miss Farmer: Here. Here's an extra ten dollars.
Narrator/Adult: I was working...for peanuts.
| Clerk: There's paint, paint remover, pans, brushes...anything else?
Kevin: A ladder.
Clerk: Oh, yeah! You starting a new house?
Kevin: Yeah, I'm painting the whole block.
Clerk: Oooh...
Clerk: OK...let's add it up. That's forty-one dollars.
Narrator/Adult: It was amazing. Forty-one on the nose. My once-magnificent fortune was now completely gone.
Clerk: Plus there's tax. Thanks!
| Miss Farmer: Oh, Kevin!
Kevin: Oh, hi.
Miss Farmer: I'm glad you stopped by. Won't you come in? I just made some lemonade. Would you like some?
Kevin: No thanks. I just came over to tell you something.
Miss Farmer: Oh? What?
Narrator/Adult: At that moment, I noticed something about Miss Farmer that I'd never before seen. She had a large man in her kitchen.
Miss Farmer: Oh, Kevin. This is Mr. Kaplan. He just...bought my house.
Kevin: What?!
Mr. Kaplan: Please, Lisa...Dave.
Miss Farmer:We just signed the papers this morning.
Narrator/Adult: I couldn't believe it. She'd really done this?
Kevin: You're moving?
Miss Farmer: Not far...it's just a little apartment across town. I love this house. You know, when I first moved in, I thought one day I'd get married, and raise my family here... I just don't know what it is about this neighborhood. The mailman, my next-door neighbor with his lawn-mower...seems these guys see a single girl and all they want to do is take advantage of her.
Kevin: Oh...
Mr. Kaplan: Uh...
Narrator/Adult: And somehow, right then, I began to get an inkling of what was really going on here.
Kevin: Well, uh...I guess you won't want me to finish painting the house, then, right?
Miss Farmer: Why, Kevin! Of course I do! After all, we made a deal, didn't we?
Narrator/Adult: I guess I already knew what came next.
Miss Farmer:And a deal's a deal.
Narrator/Adult: Yeah, that was it - the bottom-line. In anyone's ledger.
Kevin: Mr. Kaplan...Ya know, this painting is getting pretty expensive. I'm gonna need some extra money to finish it.
Mr. Kaplan: Don't look at me kid. I just paid fifty-five grand, for a forty-thousand-dollar house.
Narrator/Adult: In a world where everyone was taking advantage of everybody else...Sex and economics were facts of life. For all of us.
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Episode Notes |
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