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A game of poker finds Chuckie fearing his girlfriend may be pregnant, Randy is failing at school and Paul is too stuffy for the other guys liking.

Episode Info  

Episode number: 6x18
Airdate: Wednesday March 24th, 1993

Guest Stars
Andy BermanAndy Berman
As Chuck Coleman
Giovanni RibisiGiovanni Ribisi
As Jeff Billings
Michael TricarioMichael Tricario
As Randy Mitchell
Barney MartinBarney Martin
As Old Kevin Arnold
Billy BeckBilly Beck
As Old Paul Pfeiffer
Bob LarkinBob Larkin
As Old Chuck Coleman
Burt SandersBurt Sanders
As Old Randy Mitchell
Walt BeaverWalt Beaver
As Old Jeff Billings
Main Cast
Fred SavageFred Savage
As Kevin Arnold
Josh SavianoJosh Saviano
As Paul Joseph Pfeiffer
Daniel SternDaniel Stern
voiced Adult Kevin Arnold
ArtistSong TitlePlayed When
The Beach BoysWhen I Grow Up To Be a Man 
Tchaikovsky1st Movement from Piano Concerto No.1 

Episode Quotes
Narrator/Adult: If there's one way to describe adolescence...It might be this...It's a gamble. An adventure into the unexpected. A step into the unknown. It's a time of life that pits hope against fear. And logic against prayer. A game of luck...and opportunity. Not unlike, say, for instance...Poker.

Old Kevin: Don't put the glass right on the table. My father'll kill me if he sees a stain.
Old Paul: I'm fairly certain these old chairs of yours are aggravating my prostate.
Old Chuck: This hand's an all-time beaut. You should frame it.
Old Randy: OK, then...who needs cards?
Old Chuck: Gimme four.
Old Randy: Anyone else?
Old Kevin: Three.
Old Paul: Uh, give me two. Uh, uh, no wait, um...better make that three.
Old Randy: Jeff?
Old Jeff: None.
Old Randy: None? You sure?
Old Kevin: I fold.
Old Chuck: I fold.
Old Jeff: Well, then...Guess I'm the lucky winner.

Chuck: I got chips...
Narrator/Adult: The eight-o'clock snack break. A chance to mix simple pleasantries with...Complex carbohydrates and starch.
Paul: I can't believe it. Do you guys have any idea what you are putting into your bodies?
Jeff: What do you mean - this isn't healthy?
(Jeff holds up a Twinkie)
Paul: I'd hate to see your digestive tract in ten years.
Jeff: Tell ya what - you don't ask, and I won't offer, alright?
Paul: Kev, don't you have any fruit in this house?
Kevin: Yeah, it's on the bottom.
Paul: No, all I see here is an apple pie.
Kevin: Right. Apple's a fruit.
Paul: Forget it. I got an orange in my car. Least I plan ahead.
Jeff: Boy, he doesn't quit, does he?
Kevin: What do you mean?
Jeff: Well, it's just that he's kinda like, shall I say? Not fun.
Chuck: A major downer.
Kevin: What are you guys talking about?
Chuck: Uh, Kev? About the ski-trip over Spring vacation...
Kevin: Yeah, we're all still goin', right?
Chuck: See the thing is...we don't think we're gonna have room for Pfeiffer.
Kevin: Well, what do ya mean? I thought...all of us were goin'.
Jeff: Well, it's not Paul so much. It's just that...Chuck's car...only fits four people.
Chuck: You can check the manual.
Randy Mitchell: And my uncle's cabin only has four beds.
Kevin: So, what are you guys trying to say?
Narrator/Adult: Even though it was pretty clear.
(Paul returns)
Paul: So, what did I miss?
Narrator/Adult: Now, Paul Pfeiffer has been my best friend...For seventeen years. I'd always told him everything.
Kevin: Nothing. Really. No, we were just, uh...Talking.
Chuck: Well, come on guys. Let's get back to the game.
Narrator/Adult: After all, Paul was just being himself.
Paul: Want an orange?
Kevin: No, thanks. Come on.
Narrator/Adult: As opposed, to say...Some of the rest of us.
Jeff: Chuck, the bet is a quarter. You threw in a nickel.
Chuck: Uh...right. Quarter.
Narrator/Adult: By eight-thirty, Chuck Coleman's natural ebullience was fading fast.
Kevin: So, Chuck - what's wrong with you? [Frowns.]
Chuck: Nothin'! I just...have some stuff on my mind.
Jeff: What kind of stuff?
Chuck: Uh, you and Alice.
Randy Mitchell: What - are you guys fighting again?
Chuck: No, it's nothing like that.
Paul: Well, if you're not fighting, what are you two doing?
Narrator/Adult: There are moments in life...That alter history...And change the course of human events.
Kevin: You didn't...
Narrator/Adult: This was one of them.
Kevin: Alright, Chuck!
Jeff: Way to go, Coleman.
Narrator/Adult: It was a stirring revelation which merited only one response.
Paul: You know, I hope you used some kind of protection.
Chuck: Huh?
Paul: I said, I hope you used protection.
Chuck: Course I did, Pfeiffer. I mean, what kind of stooge do you take me for?
Narrator/Adult: Ask an idiotic question...
Chuck: Look - are we gonna play cards or not?
Kevin: No, I'm out.
Paul: Me, too.
Jeff: Yeah, me too. (pulls out a cigar)
Narrator/Adult: Speaking of idiotic.
Paul: Oh, you're not gonna smoke that thing, are you? Do you have any idea what it's gonna do to your lungs? Not to mention my sweater? I don't believe it - he's actually lighting it.
Kevin: Paul, come on...[frowns]'s only a cigar.
Paul: Look I have some air-freshener in my car - I'll be right back.

Randy: Straight.
Chuck: That's not a straight.
Randy: Of course it is. Look. Two-three-four-five-six.
Chuck: Two-three-four-five...nine. You know what two-three-four-five-nine is? Nothing.
Kevin: Boy, Randy...maybe you should be studying your math.
Randy: Yeah, really funny.
Narrator/Adult: Which, of course, it was. To us, anyway.
Randy: Hey, will you guys just shut up? For your information... I failed my last three trigonometry tests. When I flunk out, I bet it'll be really hilarious.
Kevin: Oh, come're not gonna flunk out.
Randy: Oh, yeah? My guidance counselor says if I don't pass, I'm not gonna graduate. What do ya say to that?
Narrator/Adult: And of course, there was only one thing to say.
Jeff: Three kings.
Narrator/Adult: Of course, some of us were taking the news harder than others.

Jeff: What's the matter, Chuck? You can't beat three kings?
Chuck: I think Alice is pregnant.
Jeff: Here, congratulations. Have a cigar.
Paul: I knew it. I knew it.
Kevin: Shut up, Paul!
Paul: I was just tryin' to help.
Kevin: Yeah, well, don't.
Narrator/Adult: It's been said sobering news travels in bunches.
Narrator/Adult: And after ninety minutes of poker...There was no shortage of sobering news.
Chuck: How could I be so stupid?
Narrator/Adult: Chuck was on the brink of fatherhood...
Randy: Well, at least you're passing trig.
Narrator/Adult: Randy was on the brink of repeating the eleventh grade...And I was on the brink of hating my best friend.
(Paul sprays air freshner)
Jeff: Knock it off, Pfeiffer.
Paul: Not till you put that thing out.
Narrator/Adult: But in addition to it all...In addition to the gut-wrenching teenage melodrama playing out before us... One other thing seemed slightly amiss.
Kevin: Hey. You cheated!
Narrator/Adult: We were in the presence...Of a crook.

Episode Goofs
Chuck: Maybe you are morons. But let me tell you something. Stuart and Irene Coleman did not raise any morons.
Jeff: No, you deserve for all the credits for that, right?

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