Christopher: After that, I decided Dad would only humiliate me for two more years. After three years, I was on my own. Dave still lives with Dad, because he doesn’t have my spontaneity.
Christopher: Excuse me, Christopher Titus. My brother’s been arrested.
Steve: Who’s your brother?
Christopher: You must be new here.
Ken: Well, me bailing him out is against the rules. I had him arrested.
Christopher: What? What? What? You... you... you
Ken: California public school.
Ken: Isn’t that sweet? Two brothers joined at the wussy.
Christopher: You smoke a little pot at school, you get suspended. You make pot into a non-fat creamy sandwich spread, you become a honor student.
Ken: Does the perpetrator have any recognizable scars?
Christopher: Only emotional.
Ken: There’s no box for that. I’ll just check “Other.”
Christopher: The only way to tell my dad your plan is to write him a note. Tie that to a brick. Then throw that through his window. Of course, now Dad’s armed with a brick.
Christopher: Cause all he does is mess with people’s mind.
Ken: You’re right, I do.
Christopher: See, you’re doing it now.
Ken: No I’m not.
Christopher: Yes you are.
Ken: All right, I am.
Christopher: Shove it.
Christopher: I’ve always tried to prove something to my father. That I was smart, that I was talented. That I was his kid.
Ken: Where the hell is Billy and Joey and Dan?
Steve: Well, Billy retired and Joey retired, and Dan blew his brains out.
Ken: Retired? They’re my age.
Erin: I just want one night a week for myself. And look, I got it. Take a bath, go shopping, get an herbal wrap, go to the ATM so I can pick up bail money so I can get my boyfriend out of jail. And you know what? I’m refreshed. I feel like a mountain spring.
Tommy: You do smell fresh.
Erin: Thank you. They’re towing your car.
Tommy: Oh my God!
Christopher: Erin has a special relationship with my father. She makes it possible for him and I to communicate. Without him I’d be talking about him instead of to him. Thanks honey, nice!
Christopher: Dave, please listen to your inside voice right now.
Dave: What’s it saying.
Christopher: “Shut the hell up and get your stuff.”
Dave: Well, my inside voice is rude.
Erin: With Dave gone, your dad will spend more time with us. (thinks about it) Oh my God, with Dave gone your dad will spend more time with us!