Gwen: All I'm saying is, you are speeding and there are children.
Owen: Well if kids are out at midnight, they've got it coming.

Blowfish: So, this is Team Torchwood: The teacher's pets. But Teacher has gone, hasn't he? Leaving the Kiddy Kids all alone. And look at you, trying so hard to be all grown up: The Doctor with his hands full of blood. The Carer with her oh so beating heart. The Technician with her cold devices. Which leaves me with the Office Boy, promoted beyond his measure. All of you, lost without your master. All of you, pretending to be so brave. All of you so scared. So, what about it, minions? Can you do it? How good are you? How sharp is your aim? What if you kill her? What if I kill her first? Can you shoot before I do? Can you? Dare you? Would you? Won't you?

Tosh: Where were you?
Jack: I found my Doctor.
Owen: Did he fix you?
Jack: What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.
Ianto: Are you going back to him?
Jack: I came back for you. All of you.

Mugger: Come any closer I'll open up his neck.
Captain John Hart: Fine.
Mugger: What?
Captain John Hart: Which artery do you normally sever?
Mugger: I'm not bluffing!
Captain John Hart: Well see, now you've given yourself away. Only someone who's bluffing ever says they aren't.

Jack: Okay, let's get back and see what we can piece together.
Gwen: Good in charge again, you?
Jack: I was hoping for a little power struggle. Resolved by some naked wrestling.

Owen: Okay, so who the hell was that bloke in the hologram?
Ianto: I know Jack recognized him.
Tosh: Why didn't he let us go with him?
Gwen: 'Cause he's typical Jack, isn't he? He disappears, he comes back, then he runs away again. Shuts us out. We don't even know his real name.
Tosh: Or which time he comes from.
Gwen: Exactly. He's supposed to be our boss and we know nothing about him. Drives me crazy.
Ianto: It is more fun when he's around though.
Owen: Yeah. No. Definitely.
Gwen: Yeah it is.

Jack: Captain Jack Harkness, note the stripes.
Captain John Hart: Captain John Hart, note the sarcasm.
Jack: Hey, I worked my way up through the ranks.
Captain John Hart: I bet the ranks were very grateful.

(as Captain John drinks a bottle of vodka)
Jack: So, uh, how was rehab?
Captain John Hart: Rehabs. Plural.
Jack: Sex, drink, drugs, and...
Captain John Hart: Murder.
Jack: You went to murder rehab?
Captain John Hart: I know, ridiculous! The odd kill, who does it hurt?
Jack: You clean now?
Captain John Hart: Oh yeah, kicked everything. Living like a priest.

Captain John Hart: Oh, do you have a team name? I love team names, go on!
Jack: Torchwood.
Captain John Hart: Oh. Not Excalibur? Blizzard? Bikini Cops? No? Torchwood. Oh, dear.

Tosh: It's the same as yours.
Jack: A little smaller.
Captain John Hart: But lasts much longer. Get two Time Agents in the same room, it's always about the size of the wrist strap.

Gwen: John's right. I'm sorry, do you prefer "John" or "Captain"?
Captain John Hart: With eyes like yours? Call me Vera, I won't complain.

Jack: Three rules. One, don't believe anything he say. Two, always keep him in front of you. And three, under no circumstances let him kiss you.
Gwen: As if I would!
Captain John Hart: Has he gotten to the "no kissing" rule yet? He only invented because he wants me all to himself.

Jack: Oh yeah, loving that officey feel. I always get excited in these places. To me they're exotic. Office romances, photocopying your butt. (to Ianto) Well, maybe not your butt. Although, as we're here, why don't we photo...

Ianto: Why are you doing this?
Captain John Hart: We're a cosmic joke, eye candy. An accident of chemicals and evolution. The jokes, the sex, just cover the fact that nothing means anything. And the only consolation is money. So run, Ianto Jones!

Jack: You know, you never really mastered that temptation spiel.
Captain John Hart: It's not a spiel. It's fact.
Jack: Move on! Here I am with a new life, and you're still churning out the same old tunes. And sorry, but they don't play as well now you're looking a little bit older. And what are they, wrinkles around your eyes?
Captain John Hart: Laugh lines.
Jack: Oh, hell of a good joke.
Captain John Hart: It's you I'm laughing at.

Captain John Hart: Pretty and resilient. It's not even fair.
Gwen: Maybe you didn't realise. You can beat, shoot, threaten, and even poison us and we'll keep coming back, stronger every time.
Captain John Hart: Well, I think you ought to know, your boss is splayed out on the... (Jack walks in) ...pavement. Now, that's impressive. Seriously, you could earn a fortune in the Vegas galaxies with an act like that. Go on, how's it work?
Jack: I can't die.
Captain John Hart: No, but really.
Jack: No, but really. You can't kill me. No matter how many times you try, I cant die, ever.

Captain John Hart: But what does it cost you? Every time you have to drag yourself back here, how does it feel? All that pain and trauma. Plus, you're reborn into this godforsaken mess. I pity you.
Jack: These people. This planet. All the beauty you could never see. That's what I come back for.
Captain John Hart: Well, goody on you.

Tosh: You said this was a dying woman's request.
Captain John Hart: Yeah, she was dying. I shot her.

Gwen: You are unbelievable.
Captain John Hart: And yet you still find me strangely attractive.

Captain John Hart: I think I'm starting to see what he likes about this place. She's beautiful, he's stunning...
Gwen: Don't you ever stop?
Captain John Hart: What? Five minutes to live, you want me to behave? (looking out the window) Oh, that's gorgeous!
Gwen: That's a poodle.
Captain John Hart: That's nice!

Gwen: We have to go!
Captain John Hart: No! What about a last minute rescue? What's the point of being on a team if you don't get a last minute rescue?