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Season 1

1 :01x01 - Pilot

Sep/22/2003
Charlie's life gets a little more complicated when his brother, Alan, and son, Jake, move in with him after his wife confesses her lesbian lifestyle and throws him out of the house. Alan later leaves after finding his son playing poker and moves in with his mother, Evelyn. Charlie realizes how lonely it is without them and invites them back.
Guest Stars: Frankie Jay Allison as Rodney | Thomas F. Wilson as Mike | Eugene Byrd as Lenny | Jennifer Taylor as Suzanne | Kristin Bauer van Straten as Laura |
Co-Guest Stars: Louisette Geiss as Karen | Don Foster as Ken | Eddie Gorodetsky as Doug
Director: James Burrows

2 :01x02 - Big Flappy Bastards

Sep/29/2003
Charlie finds it hard to enforce the rules Alan has set out for his son. After Jake lures a flock of sea gulls into his room, Charlie gets very upset. Jake tries to get Charlie to forgive him. Alan starts doing chores and errands for Judith, trying to get them back together. After one of his tasks, she kisses him, leading him to believe that things will be back to normal.
Director: Andy Ackerman

3 :01x03 - Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

Oct/06/2003
After a trip to Disneyland, Jake gets sick and wants to go to Judith's house so she can take care of him. Alan gets saddened over this because he is losing his wife and son. Charlie takes him to a bar, and after drinking, they end up at their mother's house trying to tell her what they think of her, but not successful in the process.
Guest Stars: Darryl Sivad as Cab Driver
Director: Andy Ackerman

4 :01x04 - If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap

Oct/13/2003
Berta, the housekeeper, quits after experiencing Alan's demanding ways. Alan decides he could be the housekeeper, but does not work. Alan decides to hunt her down and bring her back, leaving Charlie to get ready for dinner with his mother and grandparents. Charlie also tries to get Rose to date other guys, both tasks become harder than expected.
Guest Stars: Conchata Ferrell as Berta |
Co-Guest Stars: Steven Tyler as Himself
Director: Andy Ackerman

5 :01x05 - The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump

Oct/20/2003
After a trip to Las Vegas Charlie decides to go to Jake's soccer game like he promised. There, he meets a soccer mom and they hit it off. Alan goes to a meeting with some soccer moms about creating a newsletter, but does not realize they have other plans for the night.
Guest Stars: Liz Vassey as Kate | Christine Dunford as Gloria | Tricia O'Kelley as Brooke | Eric Allan Kramer as Bill |
Co-Guest Stars: Zachary Polmanteer as Ernie
Director: Andy Ackerman

6 :01x06 - Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

Oct/27/2003
Charlie gets in over his head after he tells Jake to avoid certain calls he doesn't want which creates a dinner plan for Charlie and his mother. When Charlie meets her new boyfriend's daughter, he realizes it is one of the people he is trying to avoid.
Guest Stars: Krista Allen as Olivia | Madison Mason as Tommy Pearson
Director: Andy Ackerman

7 :01x07 - If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

Nov/03/2003
For a class assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of one of Charlie's surfer friends, which in turn, worries his mother. Alan then starts to get worried about Judith when she becomes friends with the surfer girl.
Guest Stars: Kristin Dattilo as Cindy
Director: Andy Ackerman

8 :01x08 - Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful

Nov/10/2003
Alan tricks Charlie in leading Jake and his classmates in the music show along with Alan and Judith.
Co-Guest Stars: Rhyon Nicole Brown as Ashley | Katelin Petersen as Katie | Deena Dill as Miss Tuttle | Sam Lerner as Andrew | Jacob Urrutia as Luis | Abigail Mavity as Brianna
Director: Chuck Lorre

9 :01x09 - Phase One, Complete

Nov/17/2003
Jake befriends one of Charlie's one-night stands, which Charlie does not like as it furthers the relationship that Charlie does not want to continue.
Guest Stars: Myndy Crist as Wendy |
Co-Guest Stars: Christopher Jacobs as Dave
Director: Andy Ackerman

10 :01x10 - Merry Thanksgiving

Nov/24/2003
To try and prove to his girlfriend that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner at his house.
Special Guest Stars: Denise Richards as Lisa |
Guest Stars: George Wyner as Sheldon | Conchata Ferrell as Berta | Cristine Rose as Lenore
Director: Jay Sandrich

11 :01x11 - Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

Dec/15/2003
After bumping into Judith and her new boyfriend at the movies, Alan decides to change his look to try and get back into the dating scene, and to impress his son.
Guest Stars: Lucky Vanous as Kevin | Rebecca McFarland as Leanne |
Co-Guest Stars: Daniel R. Escobar as Richard | John Valdetero as Phil

12 :01x12 - Camel Filters + Pheromones

Jan/05/2004
Berta becomes forced to bring her granddaughter Prudence to work for a day. The boys like this because they get very preoccupied with her.
Guest Stars: Lisa Arning as Cheryl Ann | Megan Fox (2) as Prudence | Conchata Ferrell as Berta | Noel Fisher as Freddie

13 :01x13 - Sarah Like Puny Alan

Jan/12/2004
Charlie gets a double date with a hot neighbor and her sister and needs to take Alan along. The trouble is, Alan got sick from Jake so Charlie takes him to a steam room to heal him. It works for Alan, but Charlie becomes ill, but won't cancel the date at any cost.
Co-Guest Stars: Johanna Black as Desiree | Lori Lively as Kathy
Story: Chuck Lorre | Teleplay: Lee Aronsohn, Don Foster

14 :01x14 - I Can't Afford Hyenas

Feb/02/2004
Charlie's accountant Stan tries to explain Charlie's financial problems to him.
Special Guest Stars: Richard Lewis as Stan |
Guest Stars: J.D. Walsh as Ted | Elena Lyons as Susan | Conchata Ferrell as Berta |
Co-Guest Stars: Nick Toth as Football Announcer
Director: Rob Schiller

15 :01x15 - Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1)

Feb/09/2004
Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Franky against Alan's constant arguments about the woman.
Special Guest Stars: Jenna Elfman as Frankie |
Guest Stars: Juliette Goglia as Joanie

16 :01x16 - That Was Saliva, Alan (2)

Feb/16/2004
Frankie tells Charlie and Alan why both her and her daughter are on the run, and Frankie's daughter gets a crush on Jake.
Special Guest Stars: Jenna Elfman as Frankie |
Guest Stars: Juliette Goglia as Joanie

17 :01x17 - Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats

Feb/23/2004
Charlie gets offended after Alan chooses harebrained cousins as Jake's legal guardians in the event of his death.
Guest Stars: Vernee Watson-Johnson as Nurse | Kris Iyer as Dr. Prajneep |
Co-Guest Stars: Elise Robertson as Second Nurse | Ski Carr as Gonzales

18 :01x18 - An Old Flame With a New Wick

Mar/01/2004
Charlie is stunned to find out that one of his ex-girlfriends had a sex change operation.
Special Guest Stars: Chris O'Donnell as Bill / Jill |
Guest Stars: Rebecca McFarland as Leanne | Conchata Ferrell as Berta

19 :01x19 - I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

Mar/22/2004
At Jake's birthday party Judith's sister Liz hits on Alan while Evelyn prefers to drink alcohol than eat cake.
Special Guest Stars: Teri Hatcher as Liz
Director: Gail Mancuso

20 :01x20 - Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

Apr/19/2004
When Jake starts playing guitar non-stop, Judith thinks it is because he is having a hard time dealing with the divorce. She suggests that he sees a therapist, which Alan does not agree with at the beginning, but agrees later on.
Guest Stars: Conchata Ferrell as Berta | Jane Lynch as Dr. Linda Freeman |
Co-Guest Stars: Amanda Tosch as Vicki
Director: Gary Halvorson

21 :01x21 - No Sniffing, No Wowing

May/03/2004
Charlie puts Alan's divorce settlement into jeopardy when he sleeps with his attorney, Laura.
Special Guest Stars: Heather Locklear as Laura Lane |
Guest Stars: Marc Grapey as Stuart | Alana De La Garza as Crystal
Director: Rob Schiller

22 :01x22 - My Doctor has a Cow Puppet

May/10/2004
Charlie tries to cure Alan of his recent sleepwalking adventures; Jake goes and sees a therapist.
Guest Stars: Jamie Day as Annette | Amanda Swisten as Darlene | Jane Lynch as Dr. Linda Freeman |
Co-Guest Stars: Steffani Brass as Debbie
Director: Gail Mancuso

23 :01x23 - Just Like Buffalo

May/17/2004
Charlie uses his silver tongue on Judith's support group to convince Judith into letting Jake still spend weekends at his place.
Guest Stars: Conchata Ferrell as Berta | Stacey Travis as Linda | Cheryl White as Ruth | Amy Farrington as Kathleen | Yvette Nicole Brown as Mandy | Kristin Richardson as Tiffany
Director: Rob Schiller

24 :01x24 - Can You Feel My Finger?

May/24/2004
Charlie heads to the doctor for a vasectomy after a recent pregnancy scare.
Guest Stars: Terry Rhoads as Dr. Andrew Sperlock | Conchata Ferrell as Berta | Jenna Gering as Naomi |
Co-Guest Stars: Byrne Offutt as Paul
Director: Rob Schiller
Warning: Two and a Half Men guide may contain spoilers
Classification: Scripted
Genre: Comedy
Status: Final Season
Network: CBS ( USA)
Airs: Thursdays at 09:00 pm
Runtime: 30 Minutes
Premiere: September 22, 2003
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