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Season 1 |
| 1 :01x01 - Pilot (Sep/22/2003) | | Charlie's life gets a little more complicated when his brother, Alan, and son, Jake, move in with him after his wife confesses her lesbian lifestyle and throws him out of the house. Alan later leaves after finding his son playing poker and moves in with his mother, Evelyn. Charlie realizes how lonely it is without them and invites them back. | | Guest Stars: Louisette Geiss as Karen, Frankie Jay Allison as Rodney, Tom Wilson (1) as Mike, Eugene Byrd as Lenny, Don Foster (1) as Ken, Jennifer Taylor as Suzanne, Kristin Bower (1) as Lauren, Eddie Gorodetsky as Doug | Director: James Burrows (1) Writer: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre | | | |
| 2 :01x02 - Big Flappy Bastards (Sep/29/2003) | | Charlie finds it hard to enforce the rules Alan has set out for his son. After Jake lures a flock of sea gulls into his room, Charlie gets very upset. Jake tries to get Charlie to forgive him. Alan starts doing chores and errands for Judith, trying to get them back together. After one of his tasks, she kisses him, leading him to believe that things will be back to normal. | Director: Andy Ackerman Story: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | Season 2 | | | | | | | | | |
| 28 :02x04 - Go Get Mommy's Bra (Oct/11/2004) | | Jake loves his mother's new boyfriend, Dr. Melnick, and won't stop talking about him, which bugs Alan. Evelyn borrows Charlie's car to impress a Saudi prince, so she can sell him real estate. When Charlie gets his car back, his mother's bra is found in the backseat. After he finds out why it is there, he trades it in. | Director: Pamela Fryman Writer: Eddie Gorodetsky, Chuck Lorre | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| 33 :02x09 - Yes, Monsignor (Nov/22/2004) | | Charlie leaves a date he can't stand and ends up at a coffee shop where he runs into his ex-girlfriend, Lisa. She has broken up with her husband and left with a child. He tries to convince her that he's okay with her having a child. Jake tries to reason with his father why he isn't doing too well in school. | | Guest Stars: Sam Sheen as Lisa's Daughter, Denise Richards as Lisa | Director: Pamela Fryman Writer: Jeff Abugov, Susan Beavers | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| 46 :02x22 - That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother (May/09/2005) | | Evelyn buys Alan a new sports car if he goes on a double date with her, her new boyfriend and his daughter. Alan finds out that his mother and her boyfriend can't make it, leaving the two of them alone, when Alan finds out she has a few loose screws and she ends up stealing his new car, and ending up on a televised high-speed car chase. | | Guest Stars: Chloe Webb as Trudy | Director: Gary Halvorson Writer: Don Foster (1), Mark Roberts (3) | | | |
| 47 :02x23 - Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab (May/16/2005) | | After learning that Jake spent his whole Spring Break at his other grandparents, Evelyn pressures Alan to have Jack spend more time with her. Alan is worried she will screw him up, like she did to him and Charlie. He agrees, though, and drops him off at her house. Alan meets a sexy woman at Charlie's favorite bar, which easily gets his mind off his son's bad time. | | Guest Stars: Catherine McCord as Danielle, Christina Chambers as Kimberly, | Uncredited: Valerie Azlynn as Dancing Volleyball Girl | Director: J. D. Lobue (1) Writer: Don Foster (1), Susan Beavers | | | | | | | Season 3 | | | | | | |
| 51 :03x03 - Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark (Oct/03/2005) | | Charlie finds out that Alan has been seeing his ex-wife, which is the reason he hasn't been dating. Alan tells Charlie not to tell Jake because he doesn't want him to get his hopes up. Judith and Alan spend a day together at the house, but Jake keeps interrupting when they try to get sensual in the hot-tub. When they take it to the bedroom, Alan screws everything up for himself. | | Guest Stars: Mandy Bentley as Sexy Girl, Sandy Bentley as Sexy Girl | Director: Gary Halvorson Writer: Don Foster (1), Lee Aronsohn | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| 56 :03x08 - That Voodoo That I Do Do (Nov/14/2005) | Charlie cons Jake into taking ballet lessons in order to get close to the teacher.
After his romantic overtures toward an attractive ballet teacher, Mia, are rejected, Charlie will stop at nothing to prove to Alan that he can persuade her to go out on a date with him. When he talks a reluctant Jake into taking her dance class to help his cause, his plan is derailed when Jake falls for her, too. | | Guest Stars: Emmanuelle Vaugier as Mia | Director: Gary Halvorson Writer: Mark Roberts (3), Eddie Gorodetsky | | | | | | |
| 58 :03x10 - Something Salted and Twisted (Nov/28/2005) | Charlie helps Alan cope with his lifelong obsession to get women's approval.
Alan organizes a family dinner to celebrate the publication of a newspaper article that calls him a "good doctor, good neighbor and a good guy," but he's crushed when his mother, Evelyn, isn't impressed. After drowning his sorrow in many drinks, he has a life-changing epiphany and vows to a skeptical Charlie that he is no longer going to grovel for validation from his mother and the other women in his life.
* This episode was previously titled "Castration and Scallops" | | Guest Stars: Rebecca McFarland as Leanne, Jennifer Ann Massey (3) as Sheila, Aja Evans as Emily | Director: Rob Schiller (2) Writer: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn Story: Eddie Gorodetsky | | | |
| 59 :03x11 - Santa's Village of the Damned (Dec/19/2005) | | Just in time for Christmas, Alan falls for Sandy, the teacher of his cooking class, and before long, she moves into the house, fattens the guys up with gourmet meals, drives Berta crazy with housekeeping tips, and generally turns all of their lives upside down with her unnatural pursuit of perfection. Charlie warns Alan that she's a "nester" and needs to be stopped before they reach a point of no return. Sandy turns out to be crazy for Santa. | | Guest Stars: Josie Davis as Sandy | Director: Rob Schiller (2) Writer: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre | | | |
| 60 :03x12 - That Special Tug (Jan/09/2006) | | Charlie and Alan drop Jake off at a friend's house and head out for some sibling bonding at the movies, but their night is ruined when Alan freaks out after convincing himself that Jake was too eager to spend the weekend away from him. Recognizing that desperate times call for desperate measures, Charlie begins seeing a therapist, ostensibly to learn how to cope with his brother's ever-increasing emotional instability. | | Guest Stars: Jane Lynch as Dr. Linda Freeman, Andrea Bendewald as Terry Sholander, Kelley West as Amy, Valerie Azlynn as Beth | Director: Rob Schiller (2) Story: Susan Beavers | Teleplay: Lee Aronsohn | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| 65 :03x17 - The Unfortunate Little Schnauser (Mar/13/2006) | | Charlie boycotts an advertising awards banquet, having lost several years in a row to his cocky competitor, Archie. After devising a ploy to get him to attend, Alan, Evelyn and Jake accompany Charlie for support -- until they get to know Archie. Meanwhile, Rose talks Charlie into giving relationship advice to her new beau, Gordon. | | Guest Stars: Loren Lester as Emcee, Jon Lovitz as Archie, J. D. Walsh as Gordon | Director: Gary Halvorson Story: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn | Teleplay: Mark Roberts (3), Eddie Gorodetsky | | | | | | | | | |
| 68 :03x20 - Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro (Apr/24/2006) | | Alan is depressed that his hot young girlfriend, Kandi, has left him to go stay with his bitter ex-wife, Judith, who has brainwashed her against him. At the advice of Mandi, Kandi's mother, Alan goes to Judith's to try to win her back. Meanwhile, Kandi has set Judith up on a date with Andy, her father. | | Guest Stars: Kevin Sorbo as Andy, Gail O'Grady as Mandi, April Bowlby as Kandi | Director: Gary Halvorson Story: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn | Teleplay: Don Foster (1), Susan Beavers | | | |
| 69 :03x21 - And the Plot Moistens (May/01/2006) | | Jake's teacher, Francine, calls in Alan and Judith to discuss Jake's lack of interest in school. Desperate to communicate with someone intelligent while continuing to see his air-headed girlfriend, Kandi, Alan falls for Francine -- in a platonic way. Meanwhile, Charlie helps Jake prepare his audition song for the school musical, which he was forced to try out for by Alan and Judith. | | Guest Stars: April Bowlby as Kandi, Julia Campbell (1) as Francine | Director: Jerry Zaks Story: Jim Patterson | Teleplay: Eddie Gorodetsky, Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre, Mark Roberts (3) | | | |
| 70 :03x22 - Just Once With Aunt Sophie (May/08/2006) | | When a cute girl from Jake's school invites him to a party, Charlie butts in on Alan's milestone moment with his son by offering his own words of wisdom on women. While Alan feels somewhat jealous that Charlie is taking over, he realizes that he also feels envious that his son is receiving some solid advice on scoring with women that he wishes his brother had once taught him. | | Guest Stars: Ralph Cole, Jr. as Ricky, Stephanie Brown as Connie | Director: Lee Aronsohn Teleplay: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn | | | |
| 71 :03x23 - Arguments for the Quickie (May/15/2006) | | When Charlie finds out that Mia is in town with her dance troupe and has invited him to her performance, he opts not to go and tries to convince Alan (and himself) that he's over her. After surprising Alan (and himself) by showing up, Charlie gets another surprise when Mia explains that she wants something personal from him -- his sperm. Shockingly, commitment-phobic Charlie responds by asking Mia for something as well. | | Guest Stars: Art Bonilla as Angry Man (O.S.), Raymond Ma as Mr. Park, Irena A. Hoffman (1) as Fawn, Maria Tornberg as Theresa, Cheyenne Casebier as Jennifer, April Bowlby as Kandi, Emmanuelle Vaugier as Mia | Director: James Widdoes Story: Don Foster (1), Susan Beavers | Teleplay: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn | | | |
| 72 :03x24 - That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite (May/22/2006) | | Wedding bells loom as Charlie and Mia make wedding arrangements. But when their families meet, things immediately begin to fall apart. Rose takes the news of the engagement hard, and makes some interesting plans of her own. Additionally, there are questions as to where Alan and Jake will live after Charlie and Mia get married. Ultimately, Charlie and his bride-to-be end up deciding on a small ceremony in Vegas, where a wedding ultimately ensues. | | Guest Stars: Steven Shaw as Reverend Yarnell, John Vance as Leon, April Bowlby as Kandi, Emmanuelle Vaugier as Mia | Director: James Widdoes Story: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre | Teleplay: Susan Beavers, Don Foster (1) | | | | Season 4 | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| 80 :04x08 - Release the Dogs (Nov/13/2006) | | Alan has insomnia but refuses to take pills, opting for a visit to his psychiatrist, who reveals that the cause is Alan's jealously of Charlie and his ability to glide through life. | | Guest Stars: Shane Woodson as Man, Stefan Umstead as Officer Foster, Bruno Amato as Officer Roberts, Larry Cedar as Policeman #1, John Pirruccello as Police Helicopter Pilot, Kelly King (1) as Kelly, Melanie Abramoff as Taylor, Jane Lynch as Dr. Linda Freeman | Director: Gary Halvorson Story: Susan Beavers, Jim Patterson | Teleplay: Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | Season 5 | | | | | | | | | |
| 100 :05x04 - City of Great Racks (Oct/15/2007) | | Charlie nearly consummates his relationship with Linda, but when he sees Rose's face everywhere, he's unable to. | | Special Guest Stars: Melanie Lynskey as Rose, | Guest Stars: Ming-Na as Linda Harris, Anna Graves as Flight Attendant, Jane Lynch as Dr. Freeman | Director: James Widdoes Teleplay: Jim Patterson, Mark Roberts (3), Susan Beavers, Eddie Gorodetsky, Don Foster (1), Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre | | Songs: Bianca Ryan -- The Rose | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| 111 :05x15 - Rough Night in Hump Junction (Apr/21/2008) | | Alan fears that Charlie's womanizing has gone too far. | | Guest Stars: Emmanuelle Vaugier as Mia, Jane Lynch as Dr. Freeman, Jen Lilley as Bridesmaid #4, Jennifer Keyes as Bridesmaid #3, Keena Ferguson as Bridesmaid #2, Mikki Padilla as Bridesmaid #1, Alison Shanks as Woman, Clint Carmichael as Fred, Barry Livingston as Sam, Andrea Bogart as Gretchen, Anastasia Roark as Pepper | Director: James Widdoes Story: Mark Roberts (3) | Teleplay: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn | | | | | | |
| 113 :05x17 - Fish in a Drawer (May/05/2008) | This is a CSI and Two & A Half Men crossover episode whereas the writers of CSI wrote this episode and the writers of Two & a Half Men wrote there half hour portion of the episode which airs in CSI time slot.
Grissom and the CSI team become involved in the world of Hollywood comedy when a diva sitcom star meets an untimely demise while filming her show in Las Vegas.
Source: CBS | | Special Guest Stars: George Eads as George, | Guest Stars: Carrie Reichenbach as Alexis, Nakia Syvonne as Angel, Nicole Sullivan as Misty, John Burke (1) as Detective Henry Ketchum, Jamie Rose as Sloane Jagov, Jenny McCarthy as Courtney, Robert Wagner as Teddy, Hollie Stenson as Destinee, | Co-Guest Stars: Dan Cole (1) as Clown, Hope Allen as Jenna, Brett Wagner as Cell Mate, Ping Wu as Coroner | Director: Jeff Melman Story: Naren Shankar, Carol Mendelsohn | Teleplay: Evan Dunsky, Sarah Goldfinger | | | | | | | | | | Season 6 | | | |
| 117 :06x02 - Pie Hole, Herb (Sep/29/2008) | | Charlie borrowed money from Alan and on the day he is supposed to pay him back, Alan goes to ask Charlie for the money. He again finds Charlie in bed with a beautiful woman. After Charlie shoos him out and assures him he'll get the money for him later that day, the woman asks if Charlie is really out of cash and Charlie tells her not to worry, that he has plenty of hooker money. | | Starring Roles: Ryan Stiles as Herb, | Guest Stars: Lisa Jay (1) as Ginger | Director: James Widdoes Story: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn | Teleplay: Susan Beavers, Eddie Gorodetsky | | | | | | | | | |
| 120 :06x05 - A Jock Strap In Hell (Oct/20/2008) | | The guys bump into Jake's former teacher who became a stripper after a fling with Charlie. Charlie tries to help her out by giving her a room and a job, but things spiral out of control. | | Guest Stars: Alicia Witt as Miss Pasternak, Jaya Ramsey as Dancer, | Co-Guest Stars: Rob Poynter as Church Goer #8, Markham Reilly as Church Goer #5, Gerry Johnson (1) as Church Goer #9, Bob Jesser as Church Goer #7, Bob Gebert as Church Goer #6, Jennifer Bowman as Church Goer #3, Sandra Marshall (1) as Church Goer #2, Nicole Greenwood as Church Goer #1, Rochelle Greenwood as Church Goer #4 | Director: Jean Sagal Story: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn | Teleplay: Susan Beavers, Eddie Gorodetsky, Don Foster (1) | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
| 139 :06x24 - Baseball with Better Steroids (May/18/2009) | | After hearing Mia is back in town, Charlie begins questioning his relationship with Chelsea. Meanwhile, Charlie, Alan and Herb rush Judith to the hospital when she goes into labor. | | Starring Roles: Jennifer Taylor as Chelsea, Ryan Stiles as Herb, | Guest Stars: Emmanuelle Vaugier as Mia, Kelly Stables as Melissa, Ken Lerner as Dr. Levine, | Co-Guest Stars: Joel Murray as Petey | Director: Lee Aronsohn Story: Susan Beavers, Mark Roberts (3) | Teleplay: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn | | | | Season 7 |
| 140 :07x01 - 818-jklpuzo (Sep/21/2009) | | Charlie is forced to make a decision between his fiance, Chelsea, and an old flame, Mia. | | Guest Stars: Jennifer Taylor as Chelsea, Jane Lynch as Dr. Linda Freeman, Emmanuelle Vaugier as Mia, Kelly Stabler as Melissa, Will Sasso as Andrew, Eddie Van Halen as Himself | Director: James Widdoes Story: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Mark Roberts (3) | Teleplay: Susan Beavers, Don Foster (1), Eddie Gorodetsky | | | | | | | | | |
| 143 :07x04 - Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator (Oct/12/2009) | | Alan starts working for Evelyn as Charlie works to fix the relationship between Chelsea and Jake. | | Guest Stars: Robert Clotworthy as TV Announcer, Caroline Bielskis as Woman, Gerald Brodin as Man, Peter A. Hulne as Police Officer #2, Scott McShane as Police Officer #1, Kelly Stables as Melissa, Jennifer Taylor as Chelsea | Director: James Widdoes Story: Eddie Gorodetsky, Susan Beavers | Teleplay: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Mark Roberts (3) | | | | | | | | | |
| 146 :07x07 - Untainted by Filth (Nov/09/2009) | Alan and Charlie are shocked when they wake up next to a strange woman, and try to find out what happened.
Source: CBS | | Guest Stars: Di Guan as Chinese Acrobat #2, Haitao Duan as Chinese Acrobat #1, Jackie Zane as Bearded Lady, Marc Mazur as Strong Man, Kevin Bickford as Clown, Joe Gieb as Ted, Arturo Gil as Ed, Arthur Darbinyan as Joe, Katy Mixon as Betsy | Director: James Widdoes Story: Chuck Lorre, Lee Aronsohn, Don Foster (1) | Teleplay: Jim Patterson, Susan Beavers, Eddie Gorodetsky | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
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