Alan: Eight, nine years ago, she was just a crazy one-night stand who ended up stalking you. All you wanted to do was get rid of her. But the years go by, and stalking turns to friendship. Friendship turns to love. But it's too late.She marries another man, and she's lost to you forever. Boy, that would make a great movie, wouldn't it?
Charlie: Yeah, great.
Alan: Want to write it with me?
Charlie: What?! No!
Alan: Well, don't go stealing it. I mean, you know, it's your life, but it's my idea. Oh, how's this for a title? Look Who's Stalking. Meet the Stalkers. Avatart.
Charlie: Are you done?
Alan: Yeah. Although I do think it has real franchise opportunities. Could be a sitcom. Maybe not on a major network, but, you know, TBS, TNT. I Love Looney.

Charlie: But you and I are soul mates, like Romeo and Juliet.
Rose: Really? Did Romeo ever chew through the ropes holding him to a radiator in a motel outside of Bakersfield when Juliet was just trying to give him a birthday surprise?
Charlie: Birthday surprise? You were going to brand me.
Rose: Branding is the new piercing, Charlie.