(Charlie is laying in bed)
(Berta throws a basket of panties over Charlie)
Charlie: What the h....
Berta: We need to talk
Charlie: Ok
Berta: I don't mind your girlfriends throwing in the occasional thong or panty into the hamper. I just boil them and sell them at the swamp meat. But this broad (Lydia) is taking advantage of my easy going nature.
(Sits up straight in bed)
Charlie: Now, to be fair, Lydia does have her positive attributes
Berta: Well I ain't hitting any of those attributes, so I don't give a rats ass.
Charlie: All right, all right
Berta: You know what she said to me Charlie. She said I need to learn my place around here.
(small sigh from Charlie)
Charlie: Oh she didn't
Berta: Ah but she did. Is that true Charlie, do I need to learn my place around here
(leans forward towards Charlie)
Charlie: Oh Berta we all know your place
Berta: And where is that place Charlie
Charlie: Where ever you want it to be
Berta: There is only room for one Alpha Dog in this house
Charlie: I know
Berta: And who is that Alpha Dog, Charlie
Charlie: You are
Berta: Say it
Charlie: You are the Alpha Dog
Berta: Ahhh, you sweet talker you.
(Kisses Charlie on the forehead)
(Berta looks at Charlie's lap)
Berta: We'll just pretend that's morning wood
(Charlie looks down and throws panties on top of his lap)

Charlie: Don't go, don't go. I promise I'll break it off with her.
Berta: No you won't. And you wanna know why.
Berta: Cause you are addicted to this broad.
Charlie: Oh that is ridiculous. I can stop Any time I want
Berta: No you can't, your a nookie junkie and I can't trust you any more.
(Berta walks out the front door)
Charlie: Nononono, wait, wait wait wait. Your right, I am addicted. I have a vagina on my back, but I know I can get it off. I mean, you got to help me.
Berta: I can't help you pal, you got to help yourself. Goodbye Charlie
Charlie: Oh, come on Berta, don't go I'll do anything.
(Berta walks away)
(Lydia walks down the stairs)
Lydia: I'm leaving now
Charlie: You don't have to, I just fired her.
Lydia: Goodbye Charlie
Charlie: Oh come Lydia,don't go I'll do anything. You know what, I don't need either one of ya. I can do my own laundry and I got my own finger