Les: Johnny's doing bogus news reports, Andy. That's very dangerous.
Andy: Like what?
Les: Well, he's telling listeners there's this thing called a Cincinnati Triangle. It's just like the Bermuda Triangle, except it runs from Cincinnati, up to Dayton, over to Columbus and back. He's reporting that things have begun to disappear from the Cincinnati Triangle!
Jennifer: What kind of things?
Les: Well, so far, two recreational vehicles, and Woody Hays!
Andy: Les, I don't think anyone in their right minds would believe that one. That's a joke.
Les: Oh. Is it funny?
Andy: Well, I think it's funny. Jennifer?
Jennifer: Well yes, so do I.
Les: Oh. I see. That darn Johnny. What a card!

Les: (seeing the "Welcome Scum" banner) Isn't something like that an invitation for all the worst sort of people to come in here?
Mr Carlson: Les, that's the name of an orchestra. Haven't you heard the on-the-air promotion spots we've been running?
Les: Yes, but I thought that was all just a joke!
Jennifer: It is, Les.
Les: I thought so. It's darn funny, too. Darn funny.

Mr Carlson: Who's she?
Jennifer: Bailey Quarters.
Mr Carlson: She work here?
Jennifer: Yes.
Mr Carlson: I like her.
Jennifer: I know. You say that every time you meet her.

Blood: Hello, we're the Scum of the Earth.

Jennifer: Where is Mr Peevey?
Dog: He got out of the car. That's actually the last we saw of him.
Johnny: Was the car moving when he got out?
Dog: Yyyyes, (cheerfully) I believe it was!!
Mr Carlson: Why would he do a thing like that?
Blood: We don't know! But that's our story and we're sticking to it.

Venus: Let's start with Dog. Um, where did you three first meet?
Dog: Where did we meet. How boring. Same old questions wherever we go.
Nigel: Yes, but this is particularly boring.
Blood: No one should have to hear this nonsense. I would suggest that everyone listening turn to another radio station immediately.

Blood: May I say hello to my mother?
Venus: Your momma live in Cincinnati?
Blood: Well, there's always a chance, isn't there? Hello mummy? You naughty girl! Don't come home if you know what's good for you!

Blood: I got a degree in cello from the Royal Academy.
Venus: Oh yeah?
Blood: I don't play much anymore. You can't get thousands of screaming teenaged girls to come to a cello recital now, can you? And we rather like teenaged girls!

Blood: Punk rock is passé. We play hoodlum rock. It's several cuts below punk rock.
Venus: What's the difference?
Blood: Well, first of all, punk rock groups dress deplorably. And secondly, they don't usually physically attack their audiences.
Venus: And you dudes do.
Nigel: Come to the show and find out.
Dog: We don't like audiences.

Steve Peevey: One of them asked me what time it was, and when I said I didn't know, this other one said, "Well, that's it for him."
Jennifer: Those people are the scum of the earth.

Venus: Those dudes are vicious, dangerous, and they're out of control.
Andy: Where are they now?
Having tea in the control room.

Les: Excuse me, I was in my office working and I smelled some smoke, so I looked in the broadcast booth. There are three very well-dressed young men in there. They seem to be cooking something.

Dog: They sent you over here to look after us?
Johnny: Yeah.
Blood: Who's watching you, then?
Johnny: Nobody. I'm a responsible adult.
Dog: You don't look responsible.
Johnny: Well, you'll just have to trust me.
Nigel: We're not responsible. We're irresponsible.
Johnny: I think you're boring.
Dog: Boring.
Blood: We're never boring. Watch this. (He smashes a vase)
Johnny: I take it back. You're fascinating.
Dog: How 'bout this, then? (Knocks over a lamp)
Johnny: Better! (To Nigel) Can you top it? (Nigel pours salad over himself. Johnny speaks to the others) He's really getting into something.

(Scum dumps the bellboy out the window and waves bye-bye)
Blood: Excuse me, what floor are we on?
Johnny: Ground floor.
Blood: Pity.

Andy: Those jerks have got a contract!
Johnny: Yeah, they ate that on the way over here.