Herb: Good morning everybody, sorry I'm late unless I'm not.
Les: Andy, this isn't the Ohio State Journalism School. This is the big time.
Johnny: I don't do interviews. That's in my contract.
Andy: You don't have a contract.
Johnny: Well, if I had one, it'd be in there. Shouldn't I have a contract?
Bailey: Now Mrs Woodroffe, can you tell me briefly why you would like to be interviewed on our show?
Mrs Woodroffe: Yes, I feel I have a certain responsibility to other Earthlings.
Venus: Think I'll split.
Mrs Woodroffe: You see, my hatchback supreme broke down on a deserted stretch of highway. Now, that's when I saw the incredibly bright light and felt myself compelled to walk toward it.
Venus: Think I'll stay.
Mrs Woodroffe: Before I knew it, I was surrounded by a group of strange people in gold lamé suits.
Venus: That would either be the Temptations or the Four Tops.
Bailey: Go on, Mrs Woodroffe.
Mrs Woodroffe: Well, anyhow, to make a long, internationally-copyrighted story short, I was beamed aboard their spaceship - what they call a Getgone - and transported to Hachacha #3. That's what you people call Mars.
Venus: Did this place have heavy metal screens on the windows?
Mrs Woodroffe: Yes!
Venus: Lucky guess!
Mrs Woodroffe: One day, I'm just sitting around, minding my own business, when a drell comes up, who's obviously had one too many wowies to drink. Well, I got his joystopper away from him, and shot him twice, right through the nurel! Then, I made my way back to Cincinatti.
Bailey: But you're okay now.
Mrs Woodroffe: Oh yes. Well, except they're still after me. Ernst wants our son back. I can't really blame him.
Johnny: Hi, Hy.
Dr Hyman Munro: Hi.
Dr Munro: Hi.
Johnny: Hy - perhaps I should call you Dr Munro.
Dr Munro: (holding up chart) This is - can everybody see this?
Johnny: (pointing to microphone) This is radio, Doctor.
Dr Munro: (coming up to the microphone and pointing the chart at it) Well, what this chart shows is...
Dr Munro: My studies have established without a doubt that children are, by adult standards, insane!
Johnny: And that's bad?
Dr Munro: Well, sure!
Johnny: So what should we do about it?
Dr Munro: Round the little guttersnipes up!
Jennifer: (to Bailey) If you can't handle Herb, Les and the Big Guy, who in this world can you handle?
Jennifer: Bailey, women who want to be broadcast producers do not cry in public.
Bailey: Then I'll cry in my car on the way home.
Jennifer: (brightly) That's the way men do it!
Mr Carlson: (dismissing Herb and Les from his office) Did I say send in the clowns? Huh?