Herb: I have some good news. Lucille has gone to visit her mother for a week.
Jennifer: Oh, that is good news! I'm sure she'll enjoy the rest.
Herb: No, no no no, you don't understand. This is our big chance! I mean... my wife's out of town, no one would ever know if you and I...
Jennifer: No.
Herb: Why not?
Jennifer: I have a headache, I have to wash my hair, my mother's in town, I'm engaged.

Herb: What's this?
Jennifer: It's a memo. See? Right there at the top. It says "MEMO."

Herb: What's the big deal?! You try to sell time on this station to a sober client! It can't be done!

Les: I don't know any women! There's Mrs Rombauer, the widow next door. Maybe she'd go with me. She's starting to lose her hair, too.

Herb: (demonstrating his technique) What do you say, beautiful? How bout you and me getting it together tonight? You only go around once in life, so why not grab a little gusto?
Jennifer: I don't like little gustos, Herb.
Herb: (shaken, to Les) See? That's how you do it.

Bailey: She said yes, Herb.
Herb: And when they say yes, they always mean no! It works both ways, right Jennifer?
Jennifer: No.

Johnny: I'm telling you, free coffee is a constitutional right! Just look it up - Juan Valdez versus the state of California!

Johnny: (finding Les's toupee) Uh oh! Lester bought a little dog!
Venus: You better have that thing shot before you wear it.

Bailey: What's he like on a date?
Jennifer: Very gallant. Later he took me to this intimate little place. I had a martini, and Les had a hot chocolate. Then he took me home.
Bailey: Oh. Did he come up to your apartment?
Jennifer: Oh, I invited him. But on the way up the stairs his knees sort of gave out. But he took a rain check.

Les: Herb? Remember once telling me that you bet Jennifer had a round bed?
Herb: Yeah.
Les: Well, it's rectangular, just like everyone else's.