Herb: (on the phone trying to get a sale) Have you ever considered advertising on our station? ... Would you ever consider advertising on our station? Okay fine.
Ferryman: I'm a volume dealer. I've got to move them in and move them out.
Mr Carlson: (reading from Ferryman's brochure) "Over 6000 satisfied customers"?
Herb: (asked to write a jingle) I think we can come up with something here. How about this. The music comes up - (Low, slow, and sonorous) Ooh ra, ooh ra. Ooh ra, ooh ra.
Ferryman: I don't like that. I want something light and bouncy.
Herb: Okay, how about (light and bouncy, snapping his fingers) Oohra oohra, oohra oohra! Deedee deedee diddly dee, oohra oohra!
Johnny: "Ferryman was first with drive-in graveside services, all electric eternal flames, and mourners as you need them!"
Herb: A. All-weather floral arrangements.
Venus: What does that mean?
Johnny: That's plastic flowers.
Herb: B. Maintenance-free artificial turf.
Johnny: Plastic grass.
Herb: C. They accept all major credit cards.
Johnny: That'd be your plastic money.
Venus: Sing! Sing a song!
Herb: Sing out loud, sing out strong! Sing of good things--
Venus: Herb! (stifles him)
"Hey, you're young and swingin',
No time to think about tomorrow
But there ain't no way to deny it
Some day, you're gonna buy it.
Go with Ferryman tomorrow!
he's the man with the plot, the man with the plan!
He's the mortician man who loves you!
Ferryman: This is a check for the first month in advance. $18,000. Now let me see you resign the account.
Mr Carlson: We respectfully resign, Mr Ferryman. Can I hold that thing for a minute? (Holds the check) It's heavy.
Ferryman: I'll sue.
Mr Carlson: Well, the way the courts are working today, we'll probably be customers of yours before it comes to trial.
Andy: I been curious about one thing. There's a lot of rock and roll stations in Cincinnati, why'd you pick ours?
Ferryman: I checked around. I figured this station was just bad enough off to take my business. Now I'll have to find a station with even lower ratings than yours.
Andy: Well, good luck with that!