Jennifer: The only mail the Big Guy ever opens is the kind that says "You may already be a winner."
Rabbi: Not to mention all the money he's been taking in.
Mr Carlson: Money?
Andy: He sells things.
Reverend: Yesterday morning, it was John the Baptist shower curtains.
Rabbi: And last week, it was Sermon on the Mount little league batting helmets!
Venus: Andy, Little Ed weighs about 300 pounds.
Andy: He does?
Venus: That's right.
Andy: Why do they call him Little Ed?
Venus: Because his wife is Big Ed.
Reverend Little Ed: Wowie, I got the devil on the run! (spying Johnny cowering on the couch) Well, little brother, have no fear, the Reverend Ed is here. The devil can run, but he can't hide. Sooner or later he's gotta come out and then you know what I'm gonna do?
Johnny: (weakly) No.
Ed: I'm gonna twist him, I'm gonna chop him. I'm gonna break him in two. For the devil is no match for Little Ed and the Church of the Mighty Struggle.
Ed: Well then, there's only one thing for me to do. Go see the head man.
Johnny: You can see him?
Ed: Fellow strugglers, it has been a troubled week for Little Ed. I was almost pinned to the mat of despair.
Sisters of Melody: Despair - oh no.
Ed: But I rose to struggle against the very management of this station, and yes! they saw the wisdom of my ways. Although they play the heathenous, hateful noise known to us as the abomination of "rock'n'roll," I will not speak out against them.
Sisters: Praise him.
Ed: Though they threatened me and tried to cast me out, my lips are sealed.
Ed: Nor will I urge you to innundate this station with cards and letters condemning thier actions, no sir, that is not my way.
Sisters: His way, amen.
Ed: For if you are good and true, you will write those letters without my asking, and when you do, you might inquire about our Dead Sea Scrolls steak knives -
Sisters: Steak knives!
Ed: - which are free when you make a love offering of five dollars or more. And now, brothers and sisters, let's me and you get the devil in a Bulgarian headlock, and whip that sucker right through the great soda pop machine in the sky!
Ed: I got a whole warehouse of that stuff! I got 200 units of The World is Comin' to an End Lawn Furniture alone!