Johnny: Les, listen to this. You might learn something. Hi!
Darlene: Are you there?
Johnny: Yes I am, and I can hear you much better now. Now what's your name, sugar?
Darlene: My name's Darlene.
Darlene: And I just wanted to call and tell you that I think you're the sexiest man in Cincinnati radio.
Johnny: Well thank you very much Darlene, and allow me to compliment you on your obvious sense of taste and style.
Darlene: You know, I've often had fantasies about you!
Johnny: Is that so! I tell you what, Darlene, I've got a couple of minutes here. Why don't you just run down a few of those fantasies for me?
Les: I think that's disgusting!
Darlene: Who's that?
Johnny: Don't be upset, sweetheart, it's just Les Nessman, the newsman.
Darlene: Wait a minute. You mean this isn't Les Nessman I'm talking to?
Les: Ooo! Les Nessman here!
Darlene: Ooo! That's the voice that does the trick!
Darlene: In my mind's eye, I think I know exactly what you look like.
Les: Oh really? What, what, what do you think I look like?
Darlene: I bet you're about five foot eight, not too short and not too tall, with a distinguished little bald spot. Oh yes, and glasses for that intellectual look.
Les: (pointing to a record stand with one record in it) Would you like to hear a record?
Les: Anything in particular?
Les: Oh good. This one's my favorite.
Les: She doesn't like for me to have lady guests.
Darlene: It must be terrible to have such an awful landlady living right next door!
Les: Oh, she's not my landlady, she's my tenant. I own this duplex.
Darlene: Rather than put an old lady, or even a dog, out in the street, you just take it. What a man you are, Les Nessman.
Darlene: I love it when you do the news. Do some news for me.
Les: I don't even know if I'll be seeing the girl again.
Mr Carlson: Why not?
Les: Well, that's the kind of relationship it is, Art. Free-spirited! No strings, no obligations, no expectations. You know, I don't understand how these things happen. You meet a dame, buy her a drink, the next thing you know there's this look in her eyes.
Jennifer: (enters) Les, Darlene called.
Jennifer: She says she hopes last night was, and I quote, as heavy for you as it was for her. And you're out of ketchup and tarragon.
Jennifer: Why Les, you've only known Darlene a week! And she's moved in?
Les: Yes. I could live with the guilt of that, I suppose - I just can't seem to live with Darlene!
Jennifer: You say, "Darlene, I think we should continue to date, but not live together."
Les: She'll say, "That's only half a relationship."
Jennifer: And you say, "It's better than no relationship at all."
Les: And she'll say, "What have I ever done to you to deserve this?"
Jennifer: And you say "Nothing!"
Les: "I cook for you, I comfort you, I laugh at your silly little jokes!"
Jennifer: "What do you mean, silly??"
Les: "They're silly! You tell silly jokes!"
Jennifer: "I do not! I tell clever jokes!"
Les: "I do everything I can to please you!"
Jennifer: "Oh really!"
Les: "Yes! I give, and I give, and I give, and you just take! You never give!!"
Jennifer: "Then why don't you just leave?!"
Les: "All right, I will, damn you!!"
Jennifer: "Good! Get out!!"
Les: Oh, that's just perfect Jennifer, thank you!
Jennifer: My pleasure. I enjoyed it.
Les: (after seeing Darlene's furniture arrangement) It looks like Star Trek.
Darlene: Mrs Nedelman is a doll. I've invited her over for lunch Sunday after church.
Darlene: She just makes you nervous because of that artificial limb. Are you Catholic?
Les: Darlene, we've got to talk.
Darlene: I am talking, and I just love to talk!
Les: I think you should just sit down and have a long talk... with Jennifer, our receptionist. She's got some bad news for you.
Herb: Aren't you a little whipped?
Venus: Man, he's touchy.
Herb: Touchy, and whipped.
Darlene: Is one of you Doctor Johnny Fever?
Venus: No, he's gone.
Darlene: Venus Flytrap?
Johnny: Killed in Korea.
Darlene: (showing off wallpaper) Doesn't that sort of take your breath away?
Johnny: It sort of takes away my will to live.
Jennifer: You're Les's fiancee?
Darlene: Mm hmm.
Jennifer: Uh huh. Does Les know about this?
Darlene: I suppose that this is somebody's idea of a joke, putting tape around Les's office.
Jennifer: Actually, it was Les's idea.
Venus: He put that tape there to show where walls would be if he had an office.
Jennifer: It's something we all respect.
Darlene: I think it looks silly. (She begins tearing up the tape.)
Venus: I wouldn't, uh...
Les: (entering) Wha--, wha-- oh wha--, oh wha--, oh wha--??
Darlene: Well. That's just great. Who's gonna take care of me?