Momma Carlson: (to Andy) If you're going to grab me, do it nicely: in the back seat of my Rolls.
Andy: Let me show you how things work around here.
Momma: I think I've just seen how things work.
Momma: Knock it off, Andrew, I have a sense of humour! In fact, I'm known for my hearty guffaw. You know, I haven't had an amusing experience like this since, well, since I fired your predecessor.
(Andy and Venus laugh nervously)
Andy: Just a little horseplay here, that's all.
Venus: Just two guys playing horse, boogedy boogedy!
Andy: You see Mrs Carlson, when I first came to Cincinnati, I had gotten kind of tired of packing and unpacking, town to town, up and down the dial.
Andy: "Gordon Sims and the Sounds of the Night."
Venus: Hold it. I don't use my real name.
Andy: That's right, of course, nobody does, you shouldn't. What was the name you used in New Orleans?
Venus: The Duke of Funk.
Andy: The Duke of Funk. No, you need something a little more cosmic than that. Let me ask you. What's your sign?
Venus: Who wants to know?
Andy: What is your sign?
Andy: Libra. No, that stinks.
Venus: It does not! It's a love sign, ruled by Venus.
Andy: That's it. That's perfect. Your new name is Venus.
Venus: Andy! I don't know how to tell you this, but Venus is a girl's name! You know that real white lady with no arms?
Andy: It has that cosmic feel to it.
Venus: Couldn't I have a cosmic name for a boy, like Pluto!
Andy: That's a dog's name.
Andy: That guy brings flowers. Now listen. What do you think of when you hear the name "Venus"?
Andy: The plant that eats bugs? Don't be an idiot.
Jennifer: (answering the phone) WKRP, soothing sounds for senior citizens.
Bailey: You were right Jennifer, he didn't even last till noon.
Jennifer: Oh Bailey, I hate to take your money...
Bailey: Okay. Boy, we finally get a chance to turn this mortuary around. I don't know why everybody is so scared of a little old lady. If she were my mother, I'd duke her out.
Momma: (entering) Turn that off.
Bailey: Yes ma'am. (To Jennifer) She's not my mother.
Jennifer: (to Venus) You're probably looking for the dance studio upstairs.
Venus: I need to see my man.
Jennifer: Which man is yours?
Venus: I'm cool.
Jennifer: I'm sure you are.
Venus: I'm the new night-time DJ.
Jennifer: Oh dear.
Venus: I beg your pardon? I mean, say what?
Venus: But I don't know any of those people! How can I help?
Bailey: Oh, you'll scare the hell out of her!
Johnny: I changed my name this morning on the air. Now I'm ...
Herb: (pointing to Venus) Foetus Claptrap!
Johnny: No, that's not it.
Les: Venus Flytrap!
Johnny: No, no... Professor something, I think!
Johnny: Brother Vibe? (reading his mug) Sunshine, Duke, Style, Cool, Midnight, No... Officer...? No, I would never do that!
Venus: It was Doctor Johnny Fever. I heard you this morning. You were great, man!
Johnny: Fever! I'd better write that down!
Andy: I just got through talking with Carlson, he is fully committed!
Venus: He should be - all of you should be!
Johnny: I'm Johnny... (forgetting his name again) I'll be right back.
Venus: Now that guy's great. He doesn't know his name, but he's still great.
Momma: You taught chemistry full-time. You worked at a radio station part-time. You love the classics, you've never been married. Your parents divorced when you were young, you were raised by your grandmother, and you play the accordian.
Andy: (bursting out laughing) C'mon, you play the accordian?
Momma: And you, Mr Travis, collect baseball cards.
Andy: Well, there's nothing funny about that.
Momma: And you wet the bed until you were seven.
Venus: That is a mean little momma. Until you were seven!!!