Johnny: You weren't by any chance listening to my show this morning, were you?
Andy: Oh yeah.
Johnny: Well, I want to say up front that I meant no offence to Mr Carlson's mother. I wasn't using "bloodsucker" in a bad way.
Andy: The reason I called this little meeting... (Les turns on his tape recorder. Andy speaks into it) The reason I called this little meeting is because of the ratings. (Les turns off his tape recorder)
Venus: Jennifer, I'm number one with women!
Jennifer: Of course you are!
Johnny: (reading the book) Wow, look what I'm doing with teenaged boys!
Les: Good ratings didn't get this newsman where he is today.
Mr Van Sanker: In my entire life, I've never met a woman as honest, and kind, and straightforward as Mrs Lillian Carlson.
Mr Carlson: to himself: Oh, that poor boy.
Jennifer: Andy, would you tell Les he has nothing to worry about?
Andy: You've got nothing to worry about.
Jennifer: Would you tell him his job is safe?
Andy: Yeah, your job is safe.
Jennifer: Will you swear to him that there is not a conspiracy to replace him with a real newsman?
Andy: Your job is safe.
Andy: Can you give me three solid reasons why Les should be fired?
Momma: Yes, he's incompetent, unprofessional, and very weird.
Venus: This is Venus, on KRP...for a while at least.
Johnny: Statistics, right? I don't trust 'em. Statistically speaking, anybody who's led the kind of life that I have should look completely wasted.
Andy: So I'm still gone, huh.
Mr Carlson: Oh no, not exactly. Mother'd like for you to stay on as public relations director of KRP.
Johnny: Why not a choice assignment like KRP's Traffic Reporter?
Mr Carlson: Well, Venus has got that job.
Mr Carlson: If Mother's said to me once, she's said to me a dozen times, "Arthur, I want you to be the General Manager of the number one radio station in this city."
Andy: So you're leaving too, huh?
Hirsch: (as the door rings) I'll get it. No need for you to be disturbed! (Going to the door) No, no, madame does not believe in handouts.
Johnny: No, just tell her Johnny Fever stopped by for a little chat.
Hirsch: Johnny Fever! You're the DJ who's caused her so much discomfort over the years. Please, make yourself comfortable!
Hirsch: (introduces Johnny's arrival) Madame, your physician is here!
Johnny: This is so deeply warped even I get it! KRP is not supposed to make money! That's the deal! We're set up to lose, but we didn't. And that's why you're changing the format. So you can lose money for two more years!
Momma: Good night.
Johnny: You are telling your own son that you want him to be the general manager of the number one station in the market, and you'd be happier if it was sixteenth. How do you think he'd feel if he knew?
Hirsh: (suddenly appearing) A very interesting turn, don't you think?
Momma: Arthur, I want to you keep KRP just the way it is.
Mr Carlson: (confused) Number six?
Momma: No! The format!
Mr Carlson: Oh! What about the American way?
Johnny: Wait a minute Ace. I think your mother is saying that she believes in you. Am I right, Miz Carlson?
Johnny: A mother's love. Boy, I'll tell you... It's deeply moving to see something like this.
Andy: (very very drunk) Mrs Carlson? I'm tired of your crud. I've got four things that I want to say to you. Number two... (he falls over)
Mr Carlson: You know Mummy, I don't think that we've had a chance to get together like this before.