Chuck: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can always tell when somebody's lying. Lucky you and your special gift.
Steven Jinks: Believe me, it's not a gift to tell when someone's lying. You ever been on a date?
Steven Jinks: How'd you guys even get in here?
Artie: You know what, could you open my bag for me just one second? Thanks so much. See, I've got to turn this down because I'm way too close.
Steven Jinks: What is that?
Artie: Oh, nothing for you to worry about.
Steven Jinks: Oh, you're lying.
Artie: (stuns him) There, now I don't have to lie to you anymore. You happy?
Mrs. Frederic: I want to introduce you to a new world.
Steven Jinks: Yeah, what kind of world?
Mrs. Frederic: A world of endless wonder.
Claudia: Artie likes to think of this place as "America's Attic," but that's really the nickname for the Smithsonian so we need a new subtitle. He pitched "The World's Junk Drawer," but I quite like "The Library of Crazy," or better yet, "Artifact Roadshow." Don't touch the bombs.
Steven Jinks: Bombs?
Pete: I just, I don't need a guy who can tell when somebody's lying. So what? That's nothing special. I mean, every nun I ever met could do that. Sister Mary Francis could tell when you were about to lie.
Artie: Agent Steve Jinks, meet your new partner. This is Pete Lattimer.
Pete: Jinks. Hey, man, how are you? I'm really looking forward to working with you.
Steven Jinks: You're lying.
Pete: Oh yeah, this is going to be fun.
Artie: It's called a Tesla. It was invented by Nicolas Tesla...
Claudia: About a thousand years ago when Artie was a kid.
Steven Jinks: That's a pyramid. There's a pyramid in the warehouse.
Pete: That's right, Jinksy. We get on there, we could win $25,000.
Steven Jinks: Joke, right? You're funny.
Pete: You're not laughing.
Steven Jinks: Well, I'm not a laugher.
Pete: Great. Perfect. Fun.
Pete: Artie, this kid's got no sense of humor. He doesn't laugh at the jokes.
Artie: Your jokes, Pete?
Artie: Give that a little more thought.
Pete: So Buddhist, huh? Does that mean you shave your head and dance around in robes?
Steven Jinks: Only at Christmas.
Pete: Careful, that's almost a joke.
Pete: Look, you're gonna run into things in this job. Gandhi's sandals will calm you down so much that your heart will stop beating. There's a badminton racket that belonged to Charles Dickens. Makes you think you're an orphan. I put on Abe Lincoln's hat once and had an uncontrollable urge to free Mrs. Frederic. Don't think that didn't get me into trouble.
Artie: The statues of Zeus and Hera--the very ones that we've got in the warehouse. Those were the very statues that were involved in the Battle of Corpendium! Now, this is fantastic. Picture the scene. It's 306 B.C.
Claudia: Yes, you were a child, but it's still so vivid.
Pete: Correct me if I'm wrong, which I know you love to do, but you're an expert on the Bird of Avon, right?
Myka: Bard. It's the Bard of Avon, Pete.
Pete: See, you're already helping.
Pete: Come on, Myka. Look, If I had quit and left you there, and you were looking for an artifact about football or porn, I'd help you.
Pete: What's a folio?
Steven Jinks: It's a book.
Pete: Why not say book?
Myka: Because it's not a book, it's a folio.
Pete: Okay, so wait, what did the Buddha say about happiness again?
Steven Jinks: That the secret is to want you have and not what you don't have.
Pete: Yeah, but if had what I wanted, there'd be nothing to do.
Steven Jinks: This is gonna be a longer discussion, I think.
Myka: Congratulations. You were almost killed by an artifact. You are now officially a Warehouse agent.
Myka: Oh, I see you've already worked your magic.
Pete: Why do you automatically assume it's my fault?
Myka: Whose fault is it?
Steven Jinks: So does this mean that I'm out of a job? Because I was just getting used to Pete's hilarious jokes.
Pete: The only way you leave the warehouse is feet first. (Steven laughs uncertainly)
Claudia: Yes, it's all true, Dorothy.
Claudia is referring to Dorothy Gale, the main character in The Wizard of Oz.
Pete: Easy, easy, birdie num num.
Birdie Num Num is the name found on a bowl parrot food and seen in the movie The Party (1968). Sellers' character Bakshi tries to feed it to a parrot on a cage and spills it, all while repeatedly saying "Birdie Num Num" with a Hindu accent.
Pete: How very Orient Express.
Murder on the Orient Express is a 1934 novel by Agatha Christie featuring Hercule Poirot solving a seemingly-inexplicable murder on the aforementioned European train.
Pete: Kirk out. And, uh... Spock too.
Pete is referring to Captain James T. Kirk and Lt. Commander Spock of the starship Enterprise, from the Star Trek series.