Pete: Artie, where are you going in the middle of the middle of the night?
Artie: Ah... ha. ha. Nowhere, no place. Why?
Claudia: Is that the coat I got you?
Artie: This coat? Uh... so what? yeah.
Claudia: Is that a clean shirt?
Artie: Uh... no, it's not. Um...
Claudia: Did you trim your eyebrows.
Artie: Hmmm? No.
Claudia: What's that smell?
Artie: What? I don't... smell anything.
Claudia: Exactly. You primped.

Claudia: Oh, oh, I get it. So the CDC is your Bruce Wayne daytime face, but you spend your Dark Knights with the Warehouse.
Artie: She takes great pride in making references neither of us will never understand, so...
Dr. Vanessa Calder: Riddle me this, Batgirl.

Myka: Oh my god, I'm blond! What did you do!
Pete: No! Hey, don't blame me! Hey, I was good, but I've never changed a woman's hair color.

Pete: Artie, um, does your toothbrush mean anything to you?
Artie: In the sense that it fights plaque and gingivitis, it means a great deal to me.

Hugo Miller: Remember how we used to hang out in the Dark Vault, play records? You and me and... Mary Jane?
Artie: What, we had an agent named Mary Jane? I don't...
Claudia: Good God, where did you come from?
Artie: What?

Steven Jinks: Firing a ray gun isn't as easy as it looks in the movies.
Pete: No, hey, no! It is very hard to fire ray guns in the movies. How many times you see a storm trooper hit what he's firing at? Not once.

Myka: So W.C. Fields' juggling balls make you drunk and pass out.
Pete: How come every other artifact makes me have to call my sponsor?

Hugo Miller: did you ever find someone, Artie?
Artie: Emet.
Hugo Miller: Oh, I didn't realize you were homosexual. Uh, are you what they call a bear?

Claudia: Oh, it's like watching Golden Gossip Girls.

The Golden Girls is a NBC comedy that ran from 1985 to 1992, and feature four older women living together.

Artie: That wasn't Pete singing The Piña Colada Song on my voicemail at 3 a.m.?

"Escape (The Piña Colada Song)" is the best-known hit of singer Rupert Holmes, who released it in 1979.

Pete: How many times you see a storm trooper hit what he's firing at? Not once.

In Star Wars, the white-armored storm troopers are notoriously bad shots.