Fry and Laurie come out and explain to the audience that there’s been a few changes since Series 1. They considered documenting everything that happened since Series 1 ended, but decided it was boring. The duo performs songs indicating what happened. Laurie plays his song, “Time, Where Did You go?” and realizes he ran out of time before creating the first line. Fry starts dancing, and then explains that he lost weight learning dancercise from a prominent quantity surveyor. Fry demonstrates how he can work normally as a quantity surveyor while incorporating dancercise into his movements.
Vox pop: Fry and Laurie take to the streets
Fry comes to see plumbing shopkeeper Laurie and asks for a dozen grollings, pipes, greased nipples, fleeling wire, cock-grip shafting sleeves, and a male parping couplet. Fry then changes his mind and asks for a male and a female couplet, and wants the male one embarrassed rather than proud. He wants a fletchling pencil, but Laurie says that all he has are frotting pencils. Laurie advises him to lubricate his sliphole before inserting, and Fry slaps him, offended.
Laurie and Fry are health club owners Peter and John, and Fry is upset that college kids are launching a takeover. He complains about his wife and business partner Marjorie leaving him, and admits that they didn’t have a good marriage. Laurie tries to reassure him, but knows where his ex-wife is sunning herself. He then calls Fry over to the window and shows him the car park outside. Fry doesn’t see anything but a car park, but Laurie says that once Fry saw it as the opportunity to make a famous health club and put the town on the map. He asks if he’s going to walk away, and Fry insists that he’s licked... and the time that Marjorie licked him. Laurie goes back to the window and tells Fry that the staff came in to support his vision. Fry reconsiders and tells Laurie to mobilize the forces so they can fight back. When Laurie asks what to do if Marjorie calls, he and Fry both resolve to tell her “Damn!”
Vox pop: Fry interviews Laurie about a traffic accident, but Laurie can’t wait for him to ask a question. Fry finally gives up and punches him.
Fry tells the audience that he found a letter to his grandfather from the Secretary of State, Ernest Dalloway. He reads it and discovers that it’s primarily a love letter between the two men. He finally gets to the housing grant law discussion.
Vox pop: Laurie in drag and explains that his father was a Conservative and his mother voted Labour, but he ended up a Nazi.
Laurie comes to see Fry, his psychiatrist. He wants to be cured of a slight case of madness, but can’t understand why Fry doesn’t know how he’s mad. Laurie finally demonstrates that he takes off his shoes and puts bread in them, and then hides the bread in his secretary’s handbag, and finally throws it away. When Fry asks if that’s all, Laurie insists that he’s mad enough. He asks what Fry is going to do, and Fry says he’s merely eccentric and doesn’t plan to do anything. However, when Laurie says that he’ll write a letter to the Daily Mail
, Fry takes a keen interest. He realizes that Laurie is June Ellis, with a 42 chest size, and goes to get the straitjacket.
Vox pop: Fry talks about the crap paintings on the walls in grade school when students graduated.
Laurie and Fry are sportscasters covering everyday life and talking about the nearby Garboldisham Road. They soon start talking about English strawberries, piano lessons, being locked up in the cupboard, and Creamy England. They finally calm down and return to describing the road.
Vox pop: Fry in drag prepares to do the interview, and realizes he’s left the iron on.
Spy Laurie comes to see Fry, the head of British Intelligence. Fry takes his pulse and explains that he’s actually a Russian spy and is going to kill the Queen and destroy Western civilization. As Laurie goes to call his superiors and warn them, Fry says that he’s not really a Russian spy. He explains that lie detectors are expensive, so he’s using a stopwatch to determine when his pulse increases when he tells a lie. However, since his pulse didn’t speed up when he said he was a Russian spy, it means he’s telling the truth. Laurie suggests that they test it again just to be sure before reporting that Fry is a Russian spy. Fry checks Laurie’s pulse as he says that he’s really Susan Donovan. When his pulse doesn’t speed up, Fry figures that he’s a woman. They decide to go back to the original method: swearing on Cub’s honor and crossing their heart. Laurie goes off to get him a cup of coffee, assuring him he’s telling the truth.
Interviewer Laurie welcomes superstar singer Michael Jackson (Fry) to the show. Laurie notes that there have been rumors that he’s undertaken plastic surgery, and points to an eight-year-old Jackson. Fry notes that it is a very old photo, and then goes out to perform his new song, moonwalking on a treadmill and clutching at his crotch. Laurie notes that he was miming, but Fry insists that he wasn’t. He sneezes off cue, and Laurie concludes the show by saying goodnight... off-cue.
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