Edith: Maybe he is tired, Archie.
Archie: As many times as he was flushing that toilet last night, I wouldn't doubt it.
Archie: Like that guy up there really needs some prunes!
Archie: He's got relations in 16 cities but he has to pick my house to die in.
(On the phone)
Archie: I think you are responsible for his body. What do you mean possession is 9/10ths of the law.
Archie: You are still doing it to me, Oscar. You haven't been dead 20 minutes and you already cost me fifty bucks.
Edith: Isn't that nice, undertakers now sound like mother's day cards.
Archie: The man could care less about having a home for life must less a home for eternity!
Louise: Was his death untimely?
Archie: Yeah, around lunch time.
Archie: Get an apron on and maybe they will think you are the maid.
(To Mr. Whitehead regarding caskets)
Archie: Let's talk serious, can we get something maybe used?