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Banacek: Let's Hear it for a Living Legend
On a gridiron, Hank Ives takes the hand off, tries to go around the end, and ends up at the bottom of a pile! When the men get up, there is only Ives' helmet. Is it a publicity stunt, as the media believe? And if not - how do you kidnap someone from the bottom of a pile in front of 50,000 fans? That's the mystery Banacek must solve.
Susan: What was that, honey? Some kind of trick play?
Banacek: If it was, it was called by a coach named Houdini.
Banacek: There is an old Polish proverb that says... "If you're not sure it's potato Borscht, there could be orphans working in the mine."
Felix: What did you see?
Banacek: Well, it wouldn't be fair.
Felix: To whom?
Banacek: To you. What if I helped you out and you won the game? I mean, how would you feel?
Felix: Better than if I lost the ruddy game through my own ineptitude.
Felix: By the way, have you seen the latest issue of Sports Illustrated?
Banacek: No, I've been busy.
Felix: Pick up a copy. Contains an article on the ritualistic ancestry of pro football, by Arnold Shore. Very definitive piece. Very brilliant research.
Banacek: Umm. Yours, I suppose.
Felix: What tipped you off? "Brilliant", or "definitive"?
Banacek: Your smirk, as a matter of fact.
Felix: Say, didn't Jay give you my message?
Banacek: Well, he was about to, but your accent is better.
Jay Drury: Yeah, well someday I'd like to hear his Sicilian.
Felix: By the way, there's an old English proverb that says... "the only thing worse than a devious Russian, is a sneaky Pole."
Banacek: You mean the only thing better.