Ida Rose: Oh, I never thought we'd get here. I'd sell my soul for a bath.
The Great Malooley: How can you sell what I already own?
Ida Rose: Twenty-five a month buys you a lot, Great, but not that much. Tonight, a real bed.
The Great Malooley: Don't count on it until the deal is set. Keep your mouth shut and your parts moving.
Rupert Cutler: You callin' or tuckin' tail?
Bret: I'll see the $2.00. (takes the hand) Would you gentlemen excuse me, please?
Rupert Cutler: Hey, ain't you gonna give me a chance to get my money back?
Bret: I try to never to work for anything less than five dollars an hour
Jack: What'd I tell you, Tom? You can't lose!
Bret: Which is the best reason to double-think it.
The Great Malooley: And who is this?
Tom: My partner, Bret Maverick.
The Great Malooley: Ah, yes, well, Bret Maverick. This is indeed an honor.
Bret: Well, you got good hands and a fast mouth, kid. That usually means there's a catch somewhere.
Bret: Next time.
Rupert Cutler: Not on your best day, pants rabbit.
Dowd: You take the north end, Sturge.
Deputy Sturgess: How come I always get the end with the alleys, the graveyard, and the swamp? It spooks me, you know? Why can't I take the south end once in awhile?
Dowd: Because that's where the brewery is, Sturgess. And I don't want to have to roll you home in a barrel.
The Great Malooley: Remember the Great Malooley's 15th Commandment : Thou shall not fool around with locals.
Tom: Maverick has a plan.
Dowd: He always does. Please… can't you see I'm dying of lead poisoning?
Tom: Every man feels that way the first time he's shot
Deputy Sturgess: But now… Mitch is dead, and I killed him. The only man who was ever good to me, the only one who ever treated me like a real person. Loaned me money, was teachin’ me how to read and play chess, tried to keep me from gettin’ drunk. Because he cared. For no other reason! I don’t know much about love or how it’s supposed to feel... but I guess the way I felt about Mitch is as close as I’ll ever come.
Rodney: What's your real name?
Ida Rose: Ohh. Ida Rose Mugford.
Rodney: Yeah, I-I think I like Princess Athena better.
Ida Rose: So do I.
(at the magic show)
Cowboy: Ah, this ain't nothin'. Down at Reno's in Tucson, they got a one-armed Turkish fella who juggles whiskey bottles while he whistles Camptown Races with his mouth full of bullets. Now that's entertainment.
Bret: Where'd you come by this?
The Great Malooley: I bought it from the man who killed Old Bob's son. He tried to decipher the code for ten years and finally gave up. it cost me $5,000.
Bret: Just like that, you shelled out $5,000 for a few words written on an old piece of paper? Where you been all my life?
The Great Malooley: It had a legend.
Bret: Well it'd have to.
Bret: You know, I always wondered what happened to them. Oh, every now and then, I'd hear about the legend of the Kurzfeld Diamonds. It was always good for a laugh. Until now. Damn if they didn't come back and almost get me killed.
Mary Lou: You know what I'd call that?
Bret: Ah, please, please, Mary Lou. I'm in no mood for the "poetic justice" line.
Jack the Bartender: Oh, no, no, Maverick. It's more than that. It's magic! Well, it's almost magic.