Larry: (to Kate) Your dad's a real treat. He should go make people laugh in Heaven.
Larry: (to Kate) I'm not the kind of guy who goes on TV. I'm the kind of guy who lies in front of the TV. And I'm just sort of hitting my stride with that.
Kate: Blake! Victoria! What a nice surprise.
Larry: Yeah, like when the gas wears off early and your dentist is buckling his pants.
(Blake and Victoria are both very drunk)
Blake: Come along dear before you ruin another baboon liver.
Victoria: Wait. I want to get the name of his dentist.
Larry: Holy cow! Who's that?
Sarmoti: Blake as a baby. Later in the show he gets felt up by Elton John.
Roy: Magic, you fickle bitch.
Sierra: You guys are back early.
Kate: Why was the door locked?
Sierra: I don't know. The better question is: Why do we live in a world where the doors need locks?
Larry: I think she's got us there.
Sarmoti: Katie Couric has got that "good girl but probably wild in the sack" thing going on.
Larry: Brother, you got that right!
Siegfried: (to Roy) I do what I want. You are not the Kaiser of China!
Roy: How does it feel, Matt Lauer, to have your words snatced away from you by a word-burglar?
Matt Lauer: Excuse me?
Roy: Apology not accepted!
Blake: I'm a whore! I'm a whore for their applause! And you wouldn't hit a whore, would you, Larry?
Snack: I'm gonna need to take some publicity shots to promote Larry's debut All Night Fiesta.
Changa: Yeah, that's Mexican for "party."
Chimmi: We're gonna have salsa!
Changa: That's a spicy red dip.