Joan: Do you understand the concept of time management?
Housewife (God): I don't care much about time – that's one of your innovations.
Joan: Great, so ask Isaac Newton to the prom.
Luke: Sure, if he was a girl...and alive.
Luke: Hey, that's my first chemistry set. Someone's going to want that for the Smithsonian some day.
Deliveryman (God): Romantic love – I'm proud of that. Some of my best work.
Grace: We've got nothing – there's more activity in my parents' bedroom.
Joan: Did I miss something?
Grace: Uh, Clay Fisher just flirted with you, Adam Rove is all about you, dramatic tension ensued...Were you born without a radar?
Businessman (God): Where do you think that kind of thing comes from in a person?
Joan: A mood.
Businessman (God): You have a mood, you eat French Fries. But when you have pain, there's a little more work to deal with it.
Joan: How bad was it?
Businessman (God): It was evil...and I don't throw that word around.
Will: I, uh, found my badge. It was on my nightstand. Did you put it there?
Will: Then I have bad news. You're married to an old fart.
Will: (to Joan) Hon, you didn't sell my badge, did you? (He notices the silence between Helen and Joan)
Will: Are we going to hang meat in here later?
Lt. Daghlian: (to Will) Chief, I'm headed out to the scene of a jumper. Thirtieth floor onto concrete...it worked.
Rebecca: (to Kevin) Andy is a pissy queen.
Clay: (holding a CD) Yo, Adam Rove. Checked out your stuff, dig it. I wanna punch it in on my show.
Adam: (taking the CD) Where'd you get this?
Clay: I lifted it out of your backpack during the STD film in health class. You were riveted.
Ms. Lischak: Now what is so fun about nucleic acids is...
Mr. Price: (over the intercom) Ms. Lischak, this is Mr. Price, sorry to interrupt, I need Joan Girardi to come to room 171
Ms. Lischak: You shall have Ms. Girardi posthaste. Joan
Adam: I'll tell you later what's fun about nucleic acids...