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Joan of Arcadia: No Bad Guy

After Joan stands up for one of her classmates being bullied, an embarrassing picture of Joan, taken with a picture phone, is rapidly spread around school. God instructs Joan to join the band. Will must deal with an elderly driver who accidentally killed several people.

Episode Info
Episode number: 1x17
Production Number: 114
Airdate: Friday February 27th, 2004

Director: James Hayman
Writer: Sibyl Gardner

Guest Stars
Aaron HimelsteinAaron Himelstein
As Friedman
Andrew AbelsonAndrew Abelson
As Andy Rees
April GraceApril Grace
As Sergeant Toni Williams
Becky WahlstromBecky Wahlstrom
As Grace Polk
Chris MarquetteChris Marquette
As Adam Rove
Derek MorganDerek Morgan
As Undersheriff Roy Roebuck
Elaine HendrixElaine Hendrix
As Ms. Lischak
John Del RegnoJohn Del Regno
As Locksmith (God)
Michael ChinyamurindiMichael Chinyamurindi
As Nigerian Doctor (God)
Misti TrayaMisti Traya
As Iris
Anastasia BaranovaAnastasia Baranova
As Exchange Student (God)
Andi CarnickAndi Carnick
As Emily Kerr
Jeanette BroxJeanette Brox
As Alice Orban (Quaker Girl)
John C. McDonnellJohn C. McDonnell
As Angry Man
Kat GrahamKat Graham
As Angela
Matthew Del NegroMatthew Del Negro
As Emergency Room Doctor
Richard ErdmanRichard Erdman
As Mr. Hanson
Steve WittingSteve Witting
As Band Teacher
Main Cast
Joe MantegnaJoe Mantegna
As Will Girardi
Mary SteenburgenMary Steenburgen
As Helen Girardi
Amber TamblynAmber Tamblyn
As Joan Girardi
Jason RitterJason Ritter
As Kevin Girardi
Michael WelchMichael Welch
As Luke Girardi
ArtistSong TitlePlayed When
4 Way StreetMaze 
BeckIt's All In You Mind 
Jennie DevoeMiles Away 
Lennie GallantSomething Unspoken 
Nick NolanCan't Go On 
Reed FoehlDays Are Like 
Sean DemisAsta Loca 

Episode Quotes
Nigerian doctor (God): I don't punish you, you punish yourselves. You're so good at it I could almost retire.
Joan: Huh, why don't you?
Nigerian doctor (God): I like my work.

Iris: You stood up for someone in gym class? That's like the front lines – kudos! Rave on!
Joan: Is English like a second language for you?

Adam: Iris is a good person.
Joan: I know. It's just that... her voice...drives me crazy.
Adam: It's her real voice. (laughing) It drives me crazy too.

Nigerian doctor (God): You should really learn to avoid unnecessary pain.
Joan: You should really learn how to pick on a supreme being your own size.

Joan: (to Iris) Do you have to talk? Do you have like an off switch?
Adam: She's joking.
Iris: Yeah. Ring, ring. That's my life calling.

Helen: Okay Luke, what was your involvement?
Luke: I hit a button...it was scientifically unsound...

Joan: Um...I'm Joan Girardi, um...I play percussion-ism...ist...

Joan: (referring to Helen) You let her have red wine?
Will: I tried to steer her towards white.

Will: (to Helen; about the art critic) You want me to shoot him? 'Cause I got my gun back.
Helen: (crying) Give me your gun, I'll shoot him myself!

Will: (looking at an art piece) It's a triangle attacking a circle? Well, maybe the circle's rude.

Adam: (to Joan) Are you talking about the panty shot?
(He notices Iris glaring)
Adam: I deleted it, like, immediately!

Joan: (referring to Iris) But you love her.
Adam: I like her a lot.
Joan: And you want me to like her too...
Adam: No...But I want you to like me.
Joan: Adam, I don't just like you...
Adam: Yeah. Yeah, me too.

Joan: (to Luke) The dork police called and said they want their leader back.

Joan: Are you an exchange student?
Exchange Student (God): You might say I'm in charge of the exchange program.

Exchange Student (God): Repeating myself is part of the job. "Vengeance is mine..." sayeth me.

Joan: You've never been to high school.
Exchange Student (God): You've never been to the Crusades.

Joan: High school kids only read under duress.
Luke: And high school art students don't read at all.

Helen: I don't believe in luck.
Will: That's all I believe in.
Helen: What are you, Chinese?

Adam: Wow, this is the most awesome sandwich I have ever seen.

Grace: Rove is against physical violence, but I overrode him.
Adam: Yeah, apparently it's like the UN, your vote counts for more.

Luke: What's the "on" button look like?
Joan: I don't know. It should say "on."
Luke: Well it doesn't. It says "whites" or "colours."
Joan: Uh, both.
Luke: There's not a "both" button.

Joan: (to Locksmith (God)) You're the one who made us ashamed to be naked!
(Everyone stares)
Joan: (to herself) I really should stop doing that.

Luke: Hey, guess what? Copernicus called, said the world doesn't revolve around you.
Joan: What a coincidence because the dork police called and said they want their leader back.
Kevin: It's official, I don't miss high school anymore.

Ms. Lischak: (playing with a yo-yo) What have we been talking about for the past five months people? What about energy? Potential. Kinectic. Potential. Kinetic.
(Friedman holds up a picture of the panty shot)
Joan: (holding pen) Potental.
(She throws pen at Friedman and hits him in the head)
Joan: Kinetic.

Joan: (the band teacher) Do you have the "hitting" things?

Lori: Go bang your drum.
Joan: Hey, yours is coming. It's only fair.
Lori: Give it your best shot.

Luke: Joan, you're standing in the washing machine!

Quaker Girl: I can't hit back, so I play music.
Joan: Why can't you hit back?
Quaker Girl: I'm not allowed. I'm Quaker.
Joan: Oh. Wait, like oatmeal?

Band teacher: That was commendably fierce, but rhythmically challenged.

Joan: (answering the door) Adam. It's late.
Adam: It is?

Grace: Can I just say, I sort of pictured you as the matching bra and panties type?
Joan: You picture me in my panties?
Grace: Not 'til I saw the photo.

Will: Am I going to Hell?
Helen: You don't believe in Hell.
Will: I believe in someplace...where you aren't.

(The Girardis are talking about the fact that several of Helen's paintings are going to be displayed at the Franklin gallery)
Will: When's the opening?
Helen: Tomorrow.
Joan: Great! Ha! Maybe you should include nude portraits of the whole family, or better yet, a series of paintings entitled My Daughter's Life: A Retrospective in humiliation.
(The rest of the family give her a strange look)
Helen: Are you okay, Joan?
Joan: No. Yes. Just...the usual. Heh. School's, you know...stuff.

(Joan accidently sprained her ankle after getting it stuck in the washing machine)
Helen: Okay, Luke, what was your involvement?
Luke: I hit a button. It was scientifically unsound.
Helen: Huh! I don't want you people in my laundry room.

Angela: What is wrong with you?
Friedman: What?
Angela: You made my personal and private thoughts a public spectacle.
Friedman: You mess with scientists, my friend, you're gonna get science.
(Angela tries to hit him)
Angela: You freak, I want to kill you!
Friedman: Le petite mort. The little death. I have some conversational French in my arsenal.

Joan: Wait, what is this about?
Grace: Retribution, the oldest profession.
Joan: I thought that was farming.

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