Joan: Do you realize the ratio of whole numbers that governs harmony is like the same ratio that governs all of geometry?
Luke: Of course.
Joan: Well you can't play eensie weensie spider...Dork.
Joan: If you don't help me, I gonna tell Mom you and Glynis are knockin' boots, and she's going to give you the sex lecture every day for months.
Luke: That would be spurious, manipulative fiction and...
Joan: (in a Southern accent) Luke, when two people love each other very much...
Luke: Okay, I'll do it!
Joan: (to Grace) Aww! Vomit, how cute.
Joan: Wow, that was great!
Eva: No one likes a suck-up.
Kevin: Why is she doing this?
Helen: With your sister I've learned not to ask. I'm afraid she'll explain.
Joan: Yeah, well you can raise people from the dead, so just wave your hand and fix this stupid thing.
Piano Tuner (God): If you want special effects rent Lord of the Rings.
Joan: (to Adam) It's just one other thing that's wildly out of control! Us! Or at least me, the human wrecking ball!
Joan: My parents, lying to my face. What's so hard about telling the truth?
Adam: I don't think we'll ever understand 'em.
(Adam takes her hand)
Adam: Let's never be like that.
Joan: What if it just happens? Like skin getting all wrinkly.
Adam: We won't let it.
Luke: Joan, you remember watching The Godfather with Dad? He thinks it's a documentary. You do not mess around with Italians and their families.
Luke: (after Joan calls Richard) You're going to be sleeping with the fishes.
Adam: I was just scared, Jane. Got kinda hurt before, and I thought about you, and being scared didn't matter that much.
Joan: I just think you should let "A" be Adam, okay "I"?
Teacher: Then show us that the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the sides squared.
Joan: (hesitates) I can add fractions.
Joan: (referring to Adam) I mean, how can he let Iris pick out his clothes?
Grace: She probably does it after they make out - you know, when he has no will of his own.
Joan: Don't you have a Hebrew class you should be at?
Grace: Yeah. Why do you think I'm here?
Joan: (about Eva) She's sour on the inside. Maybe it's all the Scotch.
Adam: Or, you know, maybe...bad ripples?
Joan: (about Adam's 1970s shirt) He looks like an escapee from a VH1 Special.
Adam: Hey, you're crying.
Joan: Don't worry, it's not because of you... but I'm sure you were in there somewhere.