Friedman: What'd you get her?
Luke: Well, she told me not to get her anything. I thought-I thought it was like a religious thing.
Friedman: Rabbi Friedman will guide the goyim.
(Friedman puts his arm around Luke's shoulders as if to guide him)
Grace: Me in a dress, it takes a village.
Rabbi Polonsky: My baby in high heels!
Grace: They become lethal weapons if you cry on the dress.
Grace: Oh God, whoever invented pantyhose should be shot.
Luke: People like these (kippah)?
Friedman: I got five.
Luke: And you like them?
Friedman: Like them? They're bar mitzvah presents. Nobody likes them. They simply exist, like Stonehenge.
Grace: Have you been listening at all?
Joan: Yeah - angry, angry, angry, society, angry, angry, politics, angry.
Joan: In ancient times, some tribes marked the coming of age ceremony by having the celebrant kill, cook and eat a large animal.
Adam: I don't think there's going to be any hunting at Grace's party.
Joan: Nah, she's having it catered.
Grace: The Jews have survived 5,000 years of persecution and I'm going to get finished off by the Girardis!
Joan: Can we focus?
Officious Hall Monitor (God): I'm always focused.
Joan: So what are you wearing?
Grace: (sighing) A dress.
Joan: You're...wearing...a dress?
Grace: Oh, nice smirk.
Joan: I wasn't smirking! I was...I...had to sneeze.
Friedman: (helping Luke find a present) Consider the candlestick - a popular Shabbat favorite.
(Luke seems puzzled)
Friedman: Shabbat...the lighting of the candles...Friday night...
Luke: She doesn't do that.
Friedman: Then she can use it to kill Colonel Mustard in the library.
Friedman: (reading from the Karma Sutra) “This is the very ecstasy of love.” This would have been perfect for Judith.
(Luke has found a page in a science book that interests him. It is information about a meteor shower)
Luke: Perfect. I found it. There's no-no admonitions, Friedman. I am committed.
Friedman: (not paying attention) You know best, buddy.
(Luke leaves. Friedman does not accompany him as he is engrossed in the Karma Sutra)
Officious Hall Monitor (God): I multi-task. Well, if I didn't...well, you wouldn't want to know.
Grace: If I hear the word "adorable," I will go postal.
Rabbi Polonsky: You wanna go over your Torah portion again?
Grace: It's under neural lockdown.
Grace: And just dealing with a lot of questions, that takes a lot of guts when there's no guarantee there'll be answers.
Joan: God shouldn't pinch cheeks. It never makes the world better.
Joan: Oh, that is so sweet! I wanna be Jewish!
Friedman (looking at Grace) Check out the muscle definition in her calves.
Glynis: Don't you have any respect?
Friedman: Respect? I'm in awe here.
Glynis: Shut it.