Stevie: Oh, God. There's Friedman. He is so hot.
(She messes with her hair)
Stevie: Work with me.
(Friedman walks over to them)
Friedman: Hola, amigos.
Stevie: (to Friedman) Love your sweater.
(Friedman seems puzzled)
Stevie: I made friendship bracelets for everyone.
Grace: I am totally freaking out.
Stevie: They're each different characters from The Lord of the Rings.
Luke: Whoa! Gandalf!
Stevie: The wise one. (to Friedman) And you got Frodo, he who must carry the burden of the ring.
Friedman: (awkwardly) Thanks. Mmm. Uh...ahem! But I can never really tell the hobbits apart, so...
(He gives it back to her. She looks hurt)
Stevie: (hopefully) See you Sunday?
Stevie: At Luke's. Study session for the Spanish quiz. El quiz espanol.
(He leaves without saying anything. Stevie walks off in the opposite direction)
Luke: Are you out of your mind?
Luke: This totally hot girl is doing everything but immolating herself for you. Friedman, the odds of that happening again can only be calculated by a mainframe.
Friedman: Hey, she's not my type.
Luke: You don't have a type. You have magazines. Look, you're freaking because you're so used to being the guy that goes chasing after the girl. You can't handle it being the other way around. You think she's either setting you up or there's something wrong with her.
Friedman: Thank you, Dr. Freud.
Luke: Please, please just consider the other possible explanation for her interest.
Luke: Dude, don't-don't make me go there.
Friedman: What? What?
Luke: You're in Junior Mensa. Think.
Friedman: I got nothin'.
(Luke rolls his eyes)
Luke: You're (whispering) you're a great guy. You have a lot more going on than people think. You're sensitive and caring and some might say (mumbling) appealing.
Luke: (yelling) Appealing, dude! You're very appealing!
(Everyone in the hall stops to look at them)
Luke: So, dude, let's go shoot some hoops.
(He punches Friedman in the shoulder)
(Friedman punches Luke's shoulder)
Luke: Hoops, dude! That's it. Let's go.
(Luke punches him again. Friedman grimaces and rubs his arm. He makes a "what gives?" gesture. They walk off)
Friedman: Stevie...the thing is...these guys, they don't want me to be alone. So they're trying to, uh...(laughs) You know, they're trying to get you and me here to...you're a really, really great girl. You're quite, you know, ahem, beautiful and--
Stevie: You say "you know" a lot.
Friedman: And observant. But the thing is, sometimes two organisms don't share enough common traits, so that superficially, a pairing can seem congruent yet still lack some very fundamental synchronicity--
(She kisses him)
Stevie: I just...love hearing you talk.
Grace: Okay. What's bean dip without cheese?
(She leaves, pushing Luke out of the room at the same time)
Friedman: Ahem. And, at other times, common traits can appear where none were thought to exist.
(They lean back)
Friedman: Muy, muy...
Grace: (referring to Friedman) What's with Frodo? He'd date mud.
Stevie: Because moms always understand things like this.
Grace: Are you a Muppet?
Luke: Are they going to break plates?
Kevin: It's a chick fight, dude - just back away.
Joan: Shut up!
Joan: You said I could make my own decisions.
Three Card Monte Guy (God): You can. Free will - standard equipment.
Joan: Shouldn't God give me, like, a disciple's discount?
T-Shirt Vendor (God): I can throw in a sticker?
Joan: God feeds pigeons? Aren't there enough actual old people to do that?
Old Lady (God): You'd think, wouldn't you?
Joan: Why aren't you mad at me?
Helen: I will be.
Joan: I'm seventeen years old. You know that's half of a...really old person.
Joan: We're in a truck. I don't want my first time to be in a truck.
Adam: It's a camper.