Pappyism #2: There's only one way to throw dice and that's to throw them away.
Bart: (about the Mayor of Gold Flats) You sure elected a very poor poker player.
Bart: (to Sheriff Murray) You run this town like that mayor played poker.
Sheriff Murray: (to Bart) You know I hate to eat alone. You can watch.
Mrs. Adams: You travel much?
Bart: Only when I have to.
Mrs. Adams: You're an attorney?
Bart: No, but I have many dealings with the law.
Bart: I have a feeling we've met somewhere before.
Stephanie: That's not a very novel approach, Mr. Maverick.
Bart: (to Stephanie) This may come as a shock to your innocent ears but in some states armed robbery is considered illegal.
Bart: (to Sheriff Hardee) The fella that invented this bed shoulda got life.
Bart: In Hampton Center, they use warrants for cigarette paper.
Bartender: Hey, you didn't pay for the whiskey.
Bart: I didn't drink it. Remember?