Pappyism: If you don't git while the gittin's good, you're gonna git got.
Editor's Note: One wonders how many takes it took for Jack Kelly to get this tongue twister right.
Theodora Rush: What can I do for you, Mr. Mayor, honey?
Mayor Oliver: (pointing to campaign poster) In deference to the elected candidate, namely me, it's only common courtesy to dispose of the campaign propaganda of the defeated candidate.
Theodora Rush: Well now, Billy only lost in the election.
Mayor Oliver: Everybody knows he's a common criminal.
Theodora Rush: Oh, not everyone. Well, I voted for him, and I'd vote for him again.
Mayor Oliver: Theo!
Theodora Rush: Well, honey, it's not political, it's only personal.
First Creditor: Hey! What about Maverick for Marshall? I mean, after all, gun handling like his certainly oughta give Billy Coe somethin' to think about.
Mayor Oliver: Mr. Maverick, we'd be honored.
Bart: Thanks, but no thanks, Mr. Mayor. I'm not too familiar with that side of the law.
(after the Marshal is killed playing poker)
Bart: My problem is right here on the poker table. Now, the marshal raised me a hundred dollars and I called with my horse and saddle. Correct? And I have here, three pretty little two's. What does he have?
Mayor Oliver: Uh, just a minute! Heck claimed that pot and died untested. I must assume custody until rightful ownership is legally established.
Bart: We can establish that by merely looking at his cards.
Mayor: Impossible! And speaking of custody, your indebtedness and your lack of any visible means of support suggest vagrancy.
Bart: Mr. Mayor, are you threatening me?
Mayor Oliver: Uh-huh.
Bart: You're prepared to take me into custody too, um?
Mayor Oliver: Uh-huh.
Bart: Unless I take the job of marshal, right?
Mayor Oliver: Ah.
Bart: And if I do accept the job, do I get to see the hand?
Mayor Oliver: Uh-huh. As marshal, it'd be part of your, uh… legitimate investigation.
Bart: All right, all right. Gimmie back the badge. Now, I know this is a hustle. If we don't protect the lambs, we'll never get a chance to fleece the sheep.
"Wyatt": Now, you're my kinda man, Maverick. I knew you'd look at it that way. I just knew it all … a, oh! … Well, well now, speakin' a sheep. Say, I wonder if you would give me a loan of a … little poker money. Mine hasn't caught up with me yet.
Bart: Uh, Mr. Earp, I… my money got away from me.
"Wyatt": Well, well. What-what-what do we have here?
Bart: Yeah, but you see, that's my $20 gold piece, that's a keepsake and it's last thing…
"Wyatt": $20 gold piece. Well, with my $20, I reckon that we're in business.
Bart: Well now, wait a minute, Mr. Earp, you see, that's my keep…
"Wyatt": We're full partners, my boy.
Bart: Yeah, but I don't wanna be …
"Wyatt": Half the winnings are yours.
Bart: Fast man
Mayor Oliver: Oh, Wyatt! Oh, Mr. Earp. I never saw such a whirlwind, such a man for ducking the sickle of death.
"Wyatt": Well, folks, the real hero of this battle wasn't Wyatt Earp. No sir, it was Bart Maverick here.
Mayor Oliver: 'Pears we owe him another new hat.
Bart: You keep this up, Wyatt, and it'll be a new head.
Archie Walker: In case you're wondering what happened to your Buntline Special, one I borrowed from you, Mr. Earp.
Wyatt Earp: Well, where is it?
Archie Walker: Billy Coe. He ran away with it, sorta.
Wyatt Earp: Somethin' funny about that, Maverick?
Bart: Yea… Well, in a way, Mr. Earp, you see, uh, Billy Coe did steal the gun but he promised to return it. Matter a fact, he's coming back to town at exactly 3 o'clock this afternoon for a stand up shoot-out with, eh … (points to Walker and then the real Earp) … uh, with Wyatt Earp.
Wyatt Earp: Oh. I oughta let him kill you, and then arrest him for your murder.
Archie Walker: Maverick!
Bart: You almost got me twice, I don't even know why I'm feelin' sorry for you.
Bart: Wyatt, I, uh, I know you've faced dozens of men in shoot-outs, and I know you cleaned up Dodge City, but, uh, how?
"Wyatt" Walker: How do ya think--with a broom?
Bart: Yeah, well I think you'd do a little better with a broom than you will with that gun.
Bart: (to Walker) You couldn't hit Billy Coe's grandmother if you aimed at the moon and tripped.
Earp: (to Walker) You try bein' me one more time, I'll put so many holes in you, you won't know where to bleed first.
Archibald Walker: Ya see, as myself, I'm nothing. I'm the epitome of a cipher. The hole in the doughnut.
Theodora Rush: Oh no, Wyatt, you're the most…
Archibald Walker: Wyatt. There. You see? You've forgotten my name already. Right back where I started from--a drop in the bucket, bristle in a shaving brush. I'm leaving town, Miss Theodora.
Theodora Rush: Are you gonna leave me here for Billy Coe?
Doc Holliday: Ah, Bart! Bart! You've always been a friend to me, correct?
Doc Holliday: Well now, there's a young lady, uh, following me on the next stage, name of Cassie Jones…
Bart: Pretty young thing, I'll wager.
Doc Holliday: Oh … yes.
Doc Holliday: A few. You see, I feel at this point I'm just a little bit too young to get married. So, I wonder if you'd indicate to her that I've exited the other side of town.
Bart: I see. Well, anything for a friend.
Doc Holliday: If I ever hear of you going about the country impersonating me again, I shall…
Cassie Jones: Doctor, if he hadn't, you'd have never missed the stage. He brought us together again.
Doc Holliday: That's exactly what I mean…