Who would win a Community battle royal?

Since the earliest days of man, one question has haunted us, while defining everything we believe in and our life's ambition: Who would win in a fist fight among the cast of NBC's Community? Rest easy tonight, because the answer is Alison Brie.

Don't take my word for it. Instead, this is what Community creator and former show runner Dan Harmon had to say about the subject on Reddit, as reported by Entertainment Weekly.

"I feel like Joel [McHale] would come out swinging and start winning right away, but he’d tire himself out chasing Gillian [Jacobs] and Donald [Glover] around the ring. Once Joel got to his exhaustion point, things would get bloody and ugly for a while, with Danny [Pudi] doing a lot of horrible things that nobody knew he could do — I just have that sense that Danny would suddenly bust out a crazy eyeball eating maneuver he learned in some class – but in the end, Yvette [Nicole Brown] would reveal that she had lined the whole room with explosives and she would emerge victorious. From the room. But Chevy [Chase] would be behind the door with a bat and take her out. Then he’d collapse because that’s a lot of bat swinging for a legend his age. So I guess Alison [Brie] would win because nobody would have felt good about punching her."

Harmon also discussed what a porn movie would look like if he directed it. 

"A mysterious gas cloud of alien origin envelopes the Earth, turning all womens’ hair red. Like season 1 Scully red. The gas cloud also has a sterilization effect on all the men, except for one fat writer with a small wiener. Women, however, discover they are able to retain their fertility by dressing like it’s 1986, and the salvation of the species begins in a giant room lined with black fur."

I think he should stick to creating underachieving TV comedies, personally.