Amid the terror and tragedy of the Boston Marathon bombings, one thing brought a smile to more than a few faces over the weekend. While reporting on the lockdown and manhunt for the suspects on Friday, a closed-captioning error on a FOX affiliate in Dallas, Texas, misidentified the surviving brother, 19-year-old Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, as New Girl star Zooey Deschanel.
The mistake was quickly captured and posted on Twitter, where it became viral and spread to other social media sites. I first saw it when Office star Rainn Wilson shared it on his Facebook page. The very idea of America's cute and quirky television sweetheart masterminding such a brutal scheme provided a momentary chuckle during a bad week. At a time when many are on edge, it's good to just give in to our inner Beavis & Butt-heads and laugh at something stupid.
With that in mind, here is a special feature chronicling the Top Five Funniest Closed Captioning Errors — all the fun of being deaf without actually losing your hearing!
5. Gay Marijuana. Remember the days when you only had to worry about manic piano-playing and vehicular homicide when your kids smoked weed? Beware the scourge of gay marijuana! Sounds like a Republican strategist's wet dream.
4. Rubbing against Gov. Quinn in the Democratic Primary. This is either somehow connected to the Gay Marijuana threat or a colorful euphemism for masturbation. "I'll be down for dinner in a minute, I'm just rubbing against Gov. Quinn in the Democratic Primary... AND I'M WINNING BY A LANDSLIDE."
3. Refried Penis. You had me until "penis." Actually, you lost me at "lard." I'm not sure which ingredient is more stomach-churning. Bon appetit, ladies!
2. Chances of Rape and Sunshine. No, it's not the title of a new Marilyn Manson song, although it should be. It's just another completely inappropriate, offensive, and freaking hilarious closed captioning error, this time perpetrated on those smug bastards in the meteorology department. I... don't recommend going out today.
1. People in the Middle of the Road Ejaculating. Right, because people in the middle of the road ejaculating would be just fine if that pesky fire wasn't screwing things up. You can't blame the firefighters. Handling mid-road ejaculation is messy business. They really could have gotten themselves into a sticky situation.
I hope you enjoyed this mindless diversion from your friends here at TV Rage. Do you have any funny closed captioning errors to add to the list?