Dan: Last night I dated a Jets cheerleader.
Dan: (in high voice) Touchdown!
Dan: Oh, wait a minute. You're that slimeball lawyer who capitalizes on other people's suffering and misfortune.
Dan: I want to shake your hand!
Dan: Now listen, kid, and listen good. There is no possible way I could be your father.
Brian: You mean you're gay?
Christine: Dan, I know this may be a waste of breath, but I just wanted you to know that the way you handled that boy showed a lot of warmth and human compassion.
Dan: I bet you're not wearing a bra.
Christine: You're a pig.
Dan: (makes oinking noises)
(after Dan leaves with Brian)
Harry: There he goes, Daddy Dearest.
A play on Mommie Dearest, the memoir (and film based on the book) by Christina Crawford about her mother, legendary actress Joan Crawford, that portrayed Joan in an extremely unflattering light.
Dan: Tonight, it's Gizelle, the hot oil wrestler.
Harry: Oh, yeah, she's the one with Wessonality.
"Wessonality" was a slogan for Wesson cooking oil for two decades.