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Police Squad!: Revenge and Remorse (The Guilty Alibi)

A bomber takes out a judge and a district attorney. The ex-convict they both helped put away years ago is the prime suspect, but Frank isn't convinced.

Episode Info  

Episode number: 1x4
Production Number: 004
Airdate: Thursday March 25th, 1982

Special Guest Stars
William ShatnerWilliam Shatner
As Himself

Guest Stars
Ed WilliamsEd Williams
As Ted Olson
William DuellWilliam Duell
As Johnny
Peter LupusPeter Lupus
As Norberg
Joyce BrothersJoyce Brothers
As Herself
Main Cast
Leslie NielsenLeslie Nielsen
As Det Frank Drebin
Alan NorthAlan North
As Captain Ed Hocken
Rex HamiltonRex Hamilton
As Abraham Lincoln
Hank SimmsHank Simms
voiced Announcer


Evening at the Hall of Justice, and a mysterious figure walks into the courthouse. The figure bypasses the night guard and enters the courtroom, then replaces the gavel with a special one. The next morning, Judge Maxwell enters the courtroom, calls the courtroom to honor, strikes the gavel, and there's a huge explosion...

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Episode Notes
Act II: Richard III

Special Guest Star William Shatner is enjoying dinner at a restaurant. He evades a machine gun assassin but falls victim to poisoned wine.

Episode Quotes
Frank: Monroe, Lynch, Barker, Fanning, Smith, Brookhouse, Cosales... (a bell rings) Wait a minute. That name rings a bell.
Ed: Eddie Cosales? (another bell rings) Cosales... (another bell rings) Cosales... (another bell rings) Cosales... (another bell rings)

Lana: He hangs out there with some chorus girl. A floozy named Mimi De Jour.
Ed: De Jour? Is she French?
Lana: That's just her stage name. Her real name is Mimi Coffee.
Ed: Coffee?
Lana: No thank you.

Frank: That evening we caught Mimi De Jour's show at the Club Flamingo. We hoped the talk with her would be half as revealing as her act.

Mimi: Is this some kind of bust?
Frank: Yes, ma'am, it's very impressive, but we need to ask you a few questions.

Mimi: He was with me. We went to the movies.
Frank: Oh, yeah.
Mimi: On the Waterfront.
Ed: Come on, there are no movies on the waterfront.

Ted Olsen: So you see, Katie, fish have gills to extract oxygen from water. But, but air-breathing species have lungs, which are equipped only to accept oxygen in it's natural state. And that's why most mammals must live on land. (finishes trying to drown a cat)
Katie: Wow, that's neat.
Ted Olsen: Oh, hi, Frank. Would you like to keep him, Katie?
Katie: Can I? Gee, thanks, Mr. Olsen.
Ted Olsen: Why don't you run along now, Katie, and next week I'll show you why women can't play professional football.

(after a man is killed in a car explosion)
Nordberg: I can't believe anyone would do something so cruel.
Frank: Senseless brutality, senseless waste.
Ed: Cut down in the prime of life.
Nordberg: That car was a classic, a '68! You suppose the widow would take $1,500 for it?

Nordberg: I've got the sandwiches, sir.
Ed: All right, Eddie, you went to the movies. Now what did you see?
Eddie: I told you, I don't remember.
Nordberg: Who had the egg salad?
Ed: "I don't remember."
Nordberg: Somebody ordered it.
Frank: You can't expect us to buy that.
Nordberg: But I already paid for it.
Eddie: Why don't you give a guy a break?
Nordberg: Thanks a lot.
Eddie: What's the charge, huh?
Nordberg: About $4.58.
Ed: What are you trying to do, insult us?
Nordberg: Okay, $3.50. Coffee's on me.
Eddie: I told you, I went to the movies. I fell asleep. I don't remember.
Frank: You don't expect us to swallow that?
Nordberg: All right, I'll eat it. But I don't think it's fair that I should have to pay for it.

Ed: Let's say you did go to the movies.
Eddie: Okay.
Frank, Ed and Eddie: You did go to the movies.
Frank: And let's say that you were nowhere near the Club Flamingo.
Eddie: All right.
Frank, Ed and Eddie: You were nowhere near the Club Flamingo.
Frank: Then explain this. (shows him a Club Flamingo matchbook)
Eddie: Well, you take this little cardboard stick out, with sulfur on the end, and you rub it on the edges and it makes fire.

Frank: When I got home I received a call from Mimi De Jour. She said she wanted to see me at the club right away. Since I had no idea where the Club Rightaway was, I suggested the Club Flamingo. She agreed.

Dr. Joyce Brothers: Johnny, I've been getting a lot of mail about the Cinderella Complex.
Johnny: So? (she slips him money) Women's fear of success have left many of them confused about their wants and needs. Consequently, stress-related burnout has driven many women from feminist aggression to female passivity, dependent upon their partner for vicarious fulfillment.
Dr. Joyce Brothers: Well, what do I tell them? (slips him more money)
Johnny: Tell them to get in touch with their unconscious feelings and to share in the growth process with their partner.

Frank: Just in time, Eddie.
Eddie: Piece of cake, Lieutenant.
Frank: No thanks, I just ate.

Other Episode Crew

CreatorJim Abrahams (1)  |  David Zucker  |  Jerry Zucker
Executive ProducerJerry Zucker  |  David Zucker  |  Jim Abrahams (1)
ProducerRobert K. Weiss
Associate ProducerRichard Correll  |  Deborah Hwang-Marriott
CastingSally Powers
Unit Production ManagerRon Fury
First Assistant DirectorRusty Meek
Second Assistant DirectorAlice West
MusicIra Newborn
Music EditorDarryl Duran
HairstylistLinda Buffa
Make-upRon Walters
Set DecoratorBruce Gibeson
Script SupervisorJan Kemper
Director of PhotographySherman Kunkel
Story EditorNancy Steen  |  Neil Thompson  |  Tino Insana  |  Robert Wuhl
Stunt CoordinatorRalph Garrett
Art DirectorSeymour Klate
Sound MixerRichard Bryce Goodman
Executive Story EditorDavid Misch
Costume SupervisorMike Butler
Film EditorTom Benko
Executive Script ConsultantPat Proft
Women's CostumerKaren Kaufman
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