The Winds of Change
-- posted on June 21, 2009
Some of you all know me, others of you are asking yourself who the hell this guy with 3,000+ posts are. But anyway, I haven't returned (just another "plop" in).
As I've sat thinking about my life tonight, I couldn't help but write a blog about it, and then I thought to myself, where else could I really put it? This is really the only place online I have to call home, and the only place I can return to.
I left this site "for good" after dropping out of college, in the spring of 06. I had friends here, and on FFXI. I had a busy myspace full of classmates and old high school friends. I loved the net and the people who I have been fortunate enough to have gotten to know. It was my happy little world; my exodus from reality so to speak.
My downfall, was substituting the net for real life, and as all mistakes due, it caught up to me. I stumbled and fell on my ass, and went 1000 miles away to live with family. I was, for the most part, without net after moving from there and was unable to be on the site.
After words I went homeless, and lived on the streets, and met a lot of different people. The streets because almost like the net. It was the same eye opener on the streets, where my paradigms of lazy, drunk drifters, were unraveled as I saw good people down on their luck. That the equal sign between hard work, and financial stability was far from equal. After roaming a bit and paying for my stupidity, I met my wife.
As for this time period, I bounced between the ghetto and the streets, though many consider them the same (I however do not, since the ghetto at least has roofs). I'm not going into great detail in this section of my life. I have the blogs from that period for those who do not know the story, and for those that do, it would be more "its a small world" chat that I have now grown to despise.
In December of 07 I got married. I continued popping on and off the interent, but it wasn't the same. The good people I had met, for the most part, had moved on with their lives. People like Micheal, whom I now assume feel off the edge of China and will never be heard from again. Like my FFXI crew that I now message on a semiannual basis, and several from the FFR site I used to frequent so much.
In March of 08 I joined the military, and I pretty much fell off the Earth as well. I've been through boot camp. I've been through over a year now of some of the roughest schooling I have ever gone through (which is saying something since I was an astrophysics major), and me and my family can now say that we are happily middle class.
I think now of all the things I have ever wanted out of my life, and I have them all. What is there left to do now? Where do I progress from here? I answered that question, and decided that since the future was bright, I'd clean up after the past. And that's where my world, has once again, been flipped upside down.
I have 4 IMs full of contacts I haven't spoken to in years, and have tried to have conversations with a few...it was awkward, and I doubt I will truly ever "talk" to any of them again. People I talked to on a daily basis for over 2 years, people I considered closer to me than my RL friends, ask me who I was, and how I knew them.
My myspace hasn't had a message in over a year. Yet I go there, and I can see all my old friends, Online and RL ones, living the same lives they were living years ago. The same grind at the same office, or brooding over philosophy to make themselves appear smarter than they are, while they get no where in their lives. I see the same people getting drunk, and now having quite the resume of college frat party pics, and yet, there are so many people who are no longer there.
My friend Brad (Whom I knew as Agoran from FFXI) now has custody of his daughter, and lives 2000 miles from where I knew him to be from now. He has a job with NASA and has been prospering as well. He is online once a week, for a 2 hour time frame.
My friend Dave (Spyderdoe from FFXI) still works a 9-5 and now frequents WoW, I have a character on the server with him, but its not the same, thus I'm now on my old roommates server and play with him when I get the opportunity.
My old roommate Jeff, who I consider one of my best friends, I have not seen in years.
And with all these changes and constants....I don't know what to make of things. As I studied astrophysics, I loved looking at the night sky. Seeing the past and all different points, at the same time, to make this huge cosmic symphony, where time no longer had meaning, just beauty across the spectrum.
The internet is like that for me now. Shards of my past that I cannot put the pieces back to. And now I don't feel like it will ever be the same. The funny thing is, as I type this long novelette blog, I don't even really miss it, I just find it ironic...and as I think about being attached to a ship by the end of the year, it makes me think about how jumbled my life is going to be as I return home from 6 month deployments...and what kind of life I will really have.
I guess at this point the blog comes full circle, its my way of answering the what next question, I can't fix the past, or reconnect with all the people I want to. That is impossible. What I can do however, is thank those of you, who I got to share my time, thoughts, and feelings with, and say that no matter how much things change, I will always remember the fun I had with you all (Yes I still remember you all, screen names and RL names), and that you all will never be forgotten.
To those of you I don't know, I'd like to say, I'm sorry I never got the chance. The people here are great, and you all have found an awesome website to go home.
PS: Just as an update, I am no longer addicted to beer, I've had one in the last 2 weeks, and it suits me well.
The book I was working on was scrapped, as much like this blog it was a hodgepodge of ideas that couldn't be arranged in a logical fashion. I've been working on a new one for the last year, and it is nearing the end of completion, look for it on shelves in the next year or two. I will make an update when it goes public.
Me and the wife are happily married and June 21st made us 18 months.
I'm now a rated Fire Controlman for the navy and am working on CIWS, you can youtube it, its an awesome piece of equipment.
I know live in a nice apartment in Virgina Beach.
That's my life, and my plop in. I'll prolly check the comments for this over the next 24 hrs or so, and then, you probably wont hear from me for a very long time.
For those of you who read this far, I thank you for your time and patience.
FCSN Harrison, USN (soon to be FC3 :yes: ) Comment >>