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| » What is this emotion you humans call "wuv"? | |||
| "Valentine's Day's coming? Oh, crap! I forgot to get a girlfriend again!" - Philip J. Fry For those keeping count, the title is also a Futurama reference. And for those keeping count, you can stop keeping count, ya weirdos. Anyway, in case you forgot, Valentine's Day is one week from today. As always, I'll be spending the romantic day alone. It's all good, though; I'm used to it. However, it would still be nice to get some lovin', so here's a list of thirty-five guys whom I'd like to celebrate the holiday with. Call me!   Age: 39 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He's a frequent commentator on all those VH1 shows, and he made out with some other hot guys on Queer as Folk. He also needs a friggin' haircut as of late. How we'd spend the day: Reminiscing about the '70s, '80s, and '90s.  Age: 31 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He got smashed in Final Destination 3 (Does he cause your death? Like you caused Erin's?) and played God on Joan of Arcadia. Oh! He also guest starred an episode of Psych. All the best actors do. How we'd spend the day: Putting on fingernail polish and hiding from Ryan's ridicule.  Age: 30 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? Aw, he was so young in The Mighty Ducks. I actually liked Emilio Estevez more at the time, which is creepy considering I was only seven when that movie came out. He was also Pacey on Dawson's Creek and most recently co-stars on Fringe. How we'd spend the day: Ice skating, hopefully with a chance to drive the Zamboni.  Age: 35 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He was a werewolf in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dr. Evil's son in Austin Powers. He also pops up in a lot of random places, like outside my kitchen window. Mind your business, boy. How we'd spend the day: Doing voiceovers for Robot Chicken.  Age: 22 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? Where haven't you seen him lately? Besides my bedroom. One day, Mr. LaBeouf... How we'd spend the day: Digging holes. Literally. I've got some begonias I've been meaning to plant.  Age: 30 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He was the pie-loving guy in the Spider-Man movies. That's seriously, like, my favorite scene from a movie ever and the only reason I bought Spider-Man 3. I'm laughing just thinking about it. How we'd spend the day: Getting high.  Age: 20 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He played the nerdy kid in Arrested Development, the nerdy kid in Superbad, and the nerdy kid in Juno. Mr. Versatility! How we'd spend the day: Making some delicious treats from bananas and maybe going to Tim Horton's for some coffee and doughnuts.  Age: 30 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? You've only ever seen him on House, and he's a damn fine doctor. All doctors should look like him ... and have Australian accents. How we'd spend the day: Playing doctor. Sorry, too obvious.  Age: 35 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He's half of the band Flight of the Conchords. You might also know him as the Hiphopopotamus. How we'd spend the day: Touring all of New Zealand. Bret can come, too, if that's what he's into. *lets them double-team me*  Age: 34 (by now) Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? Don't play me like that. If you've seen him somewhere outside of Futurama, please let me know. How we'd spend the day: Vegging out in front of the television with cans of Slurm.  Age: 37 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? Maybe on a random Comedy Central program. He's a comedian/musician, and he's awesome. How we'd spend the day: Two words: jam session.  Age: 40 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He was named Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine! You may also know him as Wolverine in the X-Men movies. How we'd spend the day: Performing magic tricks.  Age: 35 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He's Batman! And he was the creepy serial killer in American Psycho, the movie that gave us, like, three shots of his ass. Ooh, he was also in The Prestige with Hugh Jackman. How we'd spend the day: Screaming at directors of photography for ruining our day. Those effin' mothereffers.  Age: 38 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He's the not-so-creepy serial killer on Dexter, and he was on Six Feet Under, which I need to finish watching one day, especially since he plays a gay dude. How we'd spend the day: TOPIARY.  Age: 33 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He plays JD on Scrubs, and he has great hair. All doctors should have hair like that. Hmm, imagine his hair combined with Jesse Spencer's face. *Photoshops* How we'd spend the day: Playing Wii Sports. I'm so getting my ass kicked.  Age: 32 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? You may know him as Berg from the hilarious Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place. He was in a bunch of other stuff, too. Just check IMDb, lazy. How we'd spend the day: Hanging out at the zoo. Yay, giraffes!  Age: 40 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He was Michael Bluth on Arrested Development, and life was such a sweet insanity when he was on The Hogan Family. He's been in a million other things that I've never seen. Sorry, Mr. Bateman. How we'd spend the day: Sitting on a yacht out in the ocean.  Age: 36 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He's the super hot Michael Scofield from Prison Break. And he graduated from Princeton, so he's gotta be smart. Not that it matters since he's SO GOOD LOOKING. How we'd spend the day: Getting tattoos and doing crossword puzzles.  Age: 29 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He was that goat-thing in Narnia. He was also in Penelope, Atonement, Wanted, and possibly some other one-word-titled films. How we'd spend the day: Knitting scarves and drinking tea.  Age: 35 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He was a teenaged doctor on Doogie Howser, M.D. and now plays the womanizer Barney on How I Met Your Mother. He was also in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog with Nathan Fillion (who almost made the list). How we'd spend the day: It's gotta be karaoke.  Age: 31 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He's the brain-eating, power-stealing villain on Heroes. Except apparently, he only touches brains instead of eating them. *rolls eyes* I still say he eats them. How we'd spend the day: Waxing his eyebrows. It probably would take all day.  Age: 39 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? A long time ago, he was in Clueless. A less long time ago, he was Phoebe's boyfriend on Friends. Not a very long time ago, he was in Knocked Up. He was hot all three times. How we'd spend the day: I'm thinking twelve hours of board games.  Age: 26 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He's the greatest contestant American Idol has ever seen. How we'd spend the day: Riding the roller coasters at Cedar Point!  Age: 28 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He was Donnie Darko in Donnie Darko, the bubble boy in Bubble Boy, and How we'd spend the day: Camping, but we'd have to bring a trailer with a working bathroom. I am not peeing in the woods.  Age: 32 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? You probably haven't seen him anywhere since you haven't been watching Psych, you bum! He plays fake psychic Shawn Spencer. He was also in a great little movie called Rolling Kansas. How we'd spend the day: Romping outside in the snow and eating pineapples.  Age: 26 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He was Max in Across the Universe and got his legs cut off in The Ruins. Confession: I have a weird thing for noses, and he has a fabulous nose. How we'd spend the day: Valentine's Day caroling! People do that, right?  Age: 29 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? Aw, he's Ned, the sweet pie maker on Pushing Daisies. If you're really awesome, you also remember him from Wonderfalls. How we'd spend the day: Consuming copious amounts of homemade pie.  Age: 29 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? It's Jim Halpert, the man of many faces, from The Office. Oh, how I wish Jim were a real person. How we'd spend the day: Doing the traditional dinner and a movie. That's all you need for a good time with John Krasinski.  Age: 27 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He was the adorable Jude in Across the Universe and the adorable card-counting genius in 21. Did I mention the adorability? Guh. I had such a hard time choosing one photo for him. How we'd spend the day: Gambling—blackjack, poker, craps. Anything but the lousy slots.  Age: 37 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He was a heroin addict in Trainspotting, a singing writer in Moulin Rouge, and a young Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars. He also likes to show his penis in a lot of his movies, which I completely support. How we'd spend the day: Having an awesome Star Wars marathon. If you're waiting for a dirty joke about lightsabers, you're out of luck.  Age: 30 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He's the incredibly handsome Dean Winchester on Supernatural. He was also just in the horror film My Bloody Valentine. How we'd spend the day: Driving around in the Metallicar, listening to classic rock music.  Age: 28 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He's Chuck! And he was Kipp Steadman on Less Than Perfect, which was a great show. Who could resist that amazing smile of his? He probably gets away with so much crap thanks to that smile. Lucky bastard. *secretly hates him* How we'd spend the day: Playing games at the video arcade.  Age: 33 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He plays Charlie Kelly in the sitcom It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. He was also Bosco's druggie brother on Third Watch who eventually wound up murdered and dismembered (not necessarily in that order). How we'd spend the day: Boozin' it up.  Age: 26 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? He was Rory's boyfriend on Gilmore Girls and now plays Sam Winchester on Supernatural. FYI, though I like Dean more than Sam, I prefer Jared to Jensen. But I'll gladly take 'em both. How we'd spend the day: Baking cookies and giving them to homeless people. Just kidding. We're gonna eat them all ourselves.  Age: 30 Hey! He looks familiar. Where have I seen him? You probably know him from Saturday Night Live and maybe from the movie Hot Rod, which is pretty hilarious. He and the other Lonely Island dudes also have a CD coming out Tuesday that you should buy (or illegally download). How we'd spend the day: Naked. So very naked. A few notes:
"Interesting" facts:
It took a lot of self-control not to make charts displaying the data. OK, I did actually make some bar graphs, just for personal use. Yeah, I know—it's so surprising that I'm single! |
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