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  Wednesday, February 11th 2009 6:11 pm  
» Did I mention the drive-thru? (Drive-thru, drive-thru...)
Sorry, I have to vent about work. I don't know how familiar you guys are with pharmacies (I, personally, don't take any meds), but here's the typical person who comes through the drive-thru. Don't even get me started on how asinine I think it is that pharmacies have drive-thrus.

I'm standing at the table, counting out pills for an upcoming order. There's a sudden high-pitched squeak, which I know is someone outside pressing the button at the drive-thru window. A millisecond later, the phone officially informs me of the customer's arrival. "One drive-up call," it repeats ad nauseam until I pick up the phone. I quickly finish counting out the ninety tablets and pick up the receiver.

I ask the driver, "Hi, are you here to pick up or to drop off a prescription?"

Aside from the deafening static, all I hear is silence.

A little louder this time, "Are you picking up or dropping off?"

There's a momentary hesitation before the driver screams back, "PICKING UP!"

"And what name are you picking up for?"


"Can you spell that, please?"


He trails off, still shouting what I'm sure is the letter Q. I take a moment to try and work out what the hell the person told me, quickly deciding to give up and just walk over to the window.

"OK, I'll be right with you," I say with the tiniest tinge of annoyance.

I hang up the phone and walk across the pharmacy to the drive-thru. I slide open the window, immediately getting blasted in the face by winter's ejaculate. The customer, of course, is parked about thirty feet away from the building, so I lean out to communicate with him.

"I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?"

He's distracted by the conversation he's having on his cell phone. I secretly hope he gets cell-phone cancer. I stand there, my face literally frozen in a goofy grin while he sits in his toasty car. He'll notice me eventually.

"What was your name?" I ask again.

"My name or the person I'm picking up for? I'm picking up for my wife."

Um, which do you think, genius? What would I do with your name? How would that bit of information help you get the prescription you came to get? I do not care who you are at all; we are way past the point of friendly introductions.

"Your wife's name."

"It's Deborah."

I give him a chance to finish that thought, but he never does. I stare blankly. Really? Really. Wait, really? Great, dude, let me go pick out every single prescription with the first name Deborah. Never mind that we alphabetize by last name. No, I'll go through all of them and bring them to you and ask one-by-one if each person is your wife.

Remaining calm, I ask, "And what's her last name?"

"Same as mine: Fabhakldjfiwioewar."

Unable to understand this clearly made-up language, I ask, "Could you spell that please?"

The customer shouts back, annoyed that I would dare ask such a question, "V-A-D-A-R-R-G-A-M-B-U-S!"

Jesus Christ, sir, but it's not my fault that your name has twice as many consonants as vowels.

"Did you say V-A?"

"No! No! It's V-A! V as in BOY!"

I close the window and walk a few feet to the bins that hold all the prescriptions and see Deborah Badarrgambus. What an awful name. I'm sure it suits her well. Oh, and it looks like she has another prescription. Um, and another. And holy God, she has ten more. I carry the bags to the window, needing both arms. On each bag, there's a label, and on each label, there's a sticker. I remove each sticker and place them all on the form. There are so many that I must flip the page over and use the back.

Opening the window again, I hold out the clipboard with the form on it and say, "Could you please sign next to these? There are more on the back, too."

He grabs the clipboard as I ring up the prescriptions. Once finished, I hold out my arm and take the clipboard back and notice that he has only signed next to the first sticker. I secretly hope he gets every non-terminal cancer known to man.

"Oh, could you sign next to the rest of them, please?"


"By the way, your total is $2.85."

"What?! Why is it so expensive? I usually only pay $2.00!"

Wait. Hold up. Stop (collaborate and listen). This man just picked up thirteen prescriptions for less than three dollars and is complaining that he has to pay a tiny bit more than he usually does? Is this guy for real?

"Why do you guys charge so much for medicine?"

Oh, he's totally for real.

"It's not us. It all depends on what your insurance pays. The cash price of all these meds would be hundreds of dollars."

"We got a new insurance card. Do you need it?"

I silently fume. If I were in a cartoon, steam would be coming out of my ears right now. Why? Why would he wait until right now to tell me this? I reach out and grab the new card.

"OK, it's just gonna take me a couple of minutes to run these prescriptions back through."

I walk over to the nearest computer and pull up Deborah's file. I enter the new card information, edit every prescription, and print all the new labels. The new labels are then taken over to the pharmacist, who has to check them before the medications are sold. Everything should be good to go now, so I walk over and hand the man his card back. The old labels are ripped off the bags and discarded; the old transaction is voided.

Ringing up everything one more time, I tell the man his new total: "OK, that'll be $2.35."

All that for a fifty-cent savings. I would have paid that out of my own goddamn pocket for this fool. The man pulls out a checkbook. No. No, this cannot be happening. He doesn't have a few dollars in his pocket? I secretly wish him dead. I wish him so dead that I feel a little guilty about how dead I want him.

As he tears off the check, I ask him, "And can I please see an ID for the check?"

"I've been coming here for years! You don't believe I am who I say I am?" (The radio won't even play his jam.)

"Sorry, it's mandatory that we write down license numbers on all checks."

He grumbles and fumbles and gives me plenty of attitude along with his check and ID. I finish ringing him up and put the prescriptions in a bag.

"OK, sir, he's your receipt and your license, and here's the prescriptions."

"Aren't you gonna give me my insurance card back?"

"I already gave it back to you."

"Uh, no, you did not." He pulls out his wallet and barely even looks in it. "Nope, I don't have it."

"Well, I know I gave it back to you."

"Then why can't I find it?"

Because you're a monster, and you suck at life, and no one will care when you die. He pulls out his wallet again.

Chuckling, he says, "Oh, here it is!"

Hilarious. About as hilarious as it's gonna be when I punch a hole through your face.

"All right, have a good day," I say, way too cheerfully.

He drives off, making sure his car backfires plenty of exhaust right in my face. How he did it, I'll never know, but I know he did it on purpose. I secretly hope he lives forever at the bottom of the ocean.

Fun fact: This blog contains four hip-hop references. Can you spot them all?
Reactions (13)

Posts: 19450
Contrib Points: 831.5
Since: 24/Jan/06
Posted on Wednesday, February 11th 2009 6:55 pm 
Um, LMAO. Sounds like the worst person that has ever existed. I wish I could blog about my life, but all that would happen is me blogging about coming home and falling asleep.

Posts: 5082
Contrib Points: 1895.9
Since: 14/Dec/07
Posted on Wednesday, February 11th 2009 8:20 pm 
Sounds like fun! I wish I worked at a pharmacy! I don't feel like looking for the references so I'll just point out the obvious Eminem lyric from "The Way I Am."

Posts: 6547
Contrib Points: 0
Since: 01/Dec/05
Posted on Wednesday, February 11th 2009 8:38 pm 
"getting blasted in the face by winter's ejaculate"



Posts: 19972
Contrib Points: 5428.7
Since: 12/Jan/06
Posted on Wednesday, February 11th 2009 9:03 pm 
Ah, yeah.. It's just we're putting new coversheets on all the TPS reports before they go out now. So if you could go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that'd be great.

Posts: 8537
Contrib Points: 895.8
Since: 01/Dec/05
Posted on Wednesday, February 11th 2009 9:16 pm 
Oh-oh...pick me! *jumps up and down raising his hand*

Stop (collaborate and listen) - "Ice, Ice Baby" - Vanilla Ice

All that for a fifty-cent savings...50 Cent ? I know it's a stretch, but...

(The radio won't even play his jam.) - I hate that I think I know this...cos I hate Eminem...

Darn...only 3 (maybe only 2)...but I tried...

Posts: 19450
Contrib Points: 831.5
Since: 24/Jan/06
Posted on Wednesday, February 11th 2009 9:50 pm 
I love how "U" is the only letter in her name that even sounds like "Q".

Posts: 11108
Contrib Points: 4362.9
Since: 30/Nov/05
Posted on Wednesday, February 11th 2009 10:05 pm 
I hesitated to say there were four references, since the fourth one is the title (from Weird Al's parody of "Trapped in the Closet" called "Trapped in the Drive-Thru").

The three you named are correct, TJ -- nice job! Please accept these dancing stars as your reward. You can share one of them with Ryan, since he also got Eminem.

Posts: 219
Contrib Points: 1383.1
Since: 22/Mar/08
Posted on Thursday, February 12th 2009 11:32 am 
How come you don't have your own network series by now???

...looks like you could have at least a script a week by the way things are going...

...worst case scenario - a lighter sentence due to extenuating circumstances if you end up murdering one of the customers, it will all be documented here at TVR... You'll have the judge and jury eating out of the palm of your hand...

Posts: 219
Contrib Points: 1383.1
Since: 22/Mar/08
Posted on Friday, February 13th 2009 9:58 am 
...do you take blog requests?

I was just wondering if you could do a list thingy (like on your profile) about fictional characters who have jobs that are better than yours... Cindy made me think of that with her Office Space reference...

...desperate for more entertainment...

Posts: 11108
Contrib Points: 4362.9
Since: 30/Nov/05
Posted on Friday, February 13th 2009 9:08 pm 
That is an awesome idea for a blog. Thanks! I'll see what I can do!

Posts: 18198
Contrib Points: 6841.5
Since: 09/Dec/05
Posted on Saturday, February 14th 2009 2:31 pm 
JD, I recommend, if you haven't yet, to read ALL of holophonor's blogs. They are all pretty good.

If you are all out, search holophonor, and read all of her TV.com blogs.

Kelly, I am sorry your job is frustrating. At least it's interesting enough to make a good blog. Perhaps in a year, when you have a better job, you'll look back and enjoy this blog?

My job isn't nearly exciting enough to blog about. Well, not always..

Posts: 6568
Contrib Points: 2569.9
Since: 09/Apr/06
Posted on Saturday, February 14th 2009 2:40 pm 

I know that all too well, Kelly. I worked for two months at a movie theater. The most I could relate to is when they're like on the ID, "Oh c'mon! Don't you know that _____??" Usually it was when they had their picture on their card when they can do it at home with a photo or something. OH YEAH, SORRY I DON'T STARE AT THE DESIGN ON YOUR CARD, SIR/MA'AM. SORRY IT ISN'T ENOUGH THAT I GOT ALL YOUR GOSHDANG POPCORNS AND DRINKS AND NACHOS AND CANDY. SORRY!!!!!!! I really appreciated it when people were appreciative that I checked their ID and people we're like "Oh, I'm so glad you do! I don't want anyone to take my identity, you guys should get an award for security!" Plus it pissed me off that that guy got 13 rx's for $2. WTF?!!! That is so not fair! I take 2 rx's and they cost a total of $50+ a month. Just for two. Oh my gosh.

Posts: 8539
Contrib Points: 16096.6
Since: 06/Dec/05
Posted on Thursday, February 19th 2009 3:06 pm 
Wow, that sounds like an, um, interesting day at work. I can't believe how some people are.


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