The Vampiric Puppet Lamentation - Recap
Wendy and Lacey are preparing for a party but Lacey is too distracted to listen to Wendy’s stories about Tyler on his vacation. Lacey finally admits that she had a sex dream about Pip, their mortal enemy. Wendy is less than thrilled. They go to the party and while looking for Noser, a fortune teller offers to tell Wendy’s fortune. After a few inaccurate predictions, she draws a card with Noser on it and starts chanting in a trance, muttering about Noser being rent limb from limb while saving Wendy. The card bursts into fire and the fortune teller Jamie comes out of it, not remembering what she said while in the trance.
The next morning, Lacey has had another sex dream but refuses to admit it. Wendy leaves a message for Noser and is called to work, so Lacey offers to find him. At Middleman HQ, the Middleman and Ida are assembling vampire-killing equipment. The Middleman explains that there are no vampires left after a Middleman killed the last one, and vampires can only be killed with a stake made of Carpathian wood. A collection of artifacts belonging to Vlad the Impaler are up for sale and the Middleman plans to buy it all to prevent a resurrection of vampires. Wendy finally tells him about how Jamie warned her that Noser would be rent limb from limb, and the Middleman speculates that when Wendy went to the Underworld her third eye was opened, letting her hear prophetic voices.
Pip is trying to find Noser to collect his rent money and Lacey ends up with him. Lacey is preoccupied with her sex dreams of Pip and he insists they go look for them together.
En route, the Middleman explains that once a vampire samples its victim’s blood, it knows their memories and dreams. Lacey calls and explains she’s with Pip and Wendy warns her to keep her pants on. The Middleman overhears them and is less than thrilled. They arrive at the auction and the bidding begins with a door hinge. The duo bids on the items and win them all, and the bidding comes to the last surprise item: a puppet Vladdy in the shape of Vlad. The auctioneer explains that the owners of the puppet have all met with tragedy. The auctioneer does a ventriloquist act with the dummy but it comes to life and demands to know where it is and threatens revenge, mentioning an eternal night of blood. The Middleman goes for the stake and hammer but the possessed auctioneer carries it outside. The dummy transforms into a vampire bat puppet and flies away with the auctioneer.
Back at Middleman HQ, the Middleman explains that wooden puppets aren’t affected by sunlight. Wendy suspects that Vladdy is preparing for the Eternal Night of Blood and the Middleman has Ida run a HEYDAR check on its previous owners. She locates a man, Renfield Renquist, who tried the puppet on, on national TV, fifteen years ago. They watch a TV recording where Renfield reluctantly puts Vladdy on and the puppet comes to life, attacking the interviewer and the rest of the crew. Renfield was sent to the insane asylum when the surviving crew was forced to cut his arm off.
Lacey and Pip try to find Noser and Pip is less than thrilled with Lacey’s soft-sell approach. He bets her $20 she can’t get information out of Joe 90. She takes the bet and flatters Joe 90 then gets him to admit that he recorded Noser on a surveillance tape: Pip uses his dad’s money on security to pay Joe 90 to make recordings. Pip is upset that Joe 90 hates him and Lacey tries to comfort him, but he figures she wants him.
Renfield’s doctor explains that the ventriloquist lost so much blood that he suffered partial brain damage and can’t separate reality from imagination. The Middleman draws a face on his hand and communicates with Renfield, who explains that Vladdy will seek out Elizabeth Rousset, his lover. When they were killed by villagers, the vampires’ blood spilled on their favorite puppets and their souls were trapped. Renfield explains that if the two puppets are on the arms of two people married in true love, the puppets will regain bodies. The Middleman calls Ida who reveals that the Elizabeth dummy, Lizzie, is in the Middleman archives. As they go through the archives, Lacey calls again: she has the surveillance footage which shows that Noser met with an Eastern European woman with a suitcase. Wendy suggests they use the HEYDAR to find Noser and the Middleman admits that he’s upset about Pip’s involvement in Lacey’s dream. Wendy goes to use the HEYDAR and calls Lacey with the address, having identified the woman as Irene Dubrovna, while the auctioneer attacks with the puppet. A fight breaks out and Vladdy bites the Middleman before escaping.
The Middleman prepares to depart, having put a Middlewatch on the auctioneer. Ida insists that he take a dose of the anti-vampire vaccine. He’s upset that the vampire didn’t show up on the cameras and realizes that Vladdy has access to all of his memories. Meanwhile, Lacey and Pip head off on her scooter to find Irena. They go to her house and Pip actually manages to pretend to be nice to get the information. She says that Noser swore her to secrecy but finally reveals that Noser’s family hired her to tutor him. Noser was a prodigy and retired at the age of 13 after touring all the great palaces of the world, but she vowed to guard his instrument. Lacey asks where Noser is performing.
The Middleman and Wendy follow the tracking signal to a convention center hosting a grand championship for ventriloquists. Lacey and Pip arrive and Pip concludes that Noser is a ventriloquist and goes to get his camera. Lacey notices the Middleman’s bite and they flirt, while Wendy spots the auctioneer carrying both dummies. She tells Lacey to get Noser out of the convention center, as it’s not safe. They approach the auctioneer and discover that the puppets have left him. He doesn’t remember anything and the Middleman suspects vampire-induced amnesia.
Lacey asks around for Noser, and the other ventriloquists are depressed that he’s there. Another ventriloquist approaches Lacey… holding Vladdy. The vampire lures her away and Wendy spots her a few minutes later. Lacey is holding the Lizzie doll and possessed by it. Vladdy tells the Middleman to put him on: Lacey and the Middleman are in love. The Middleman tells Wendy to save Lacey over himself and then takes Vladdy on his arm. Vladdy demands the stake and calls in other vampire puppet minions. He takes her stake and lets his minions attack her.
Vladdy and Lizzie have their possessed hosts take them to the chapel, while Wendy defeats the minions and goes in pursuit. Vladdy and Lizzie go through with the ceremony while Wendy bumps into Noser and tries to get him out. He tells her he came out of retirement to win the championship with his dummy, Young Noser, because he needs the prize money. Wendy realizes that Jamie was referring to the dummy and it was carved out of the purest Carpathian wood.
In the chapel, the dummies kiss and are reborn in humanoid form, while Lacey and the Middleman become puppets. The vampiric couple starts to summon all of the vampires from across the Earth, but Wendy arrives and shoots them with stakes made out of Young Noser. The Middleman and Lacey are back to normal and Pip arrives, and Wendy covers for them. Pip offers Lacey a ride home and the Middleman suggests she go home with him. Lacey wonders where she got the ring and the Middleman has Wendy escort her friend home while he takes care of things.
Later, Pip is watching his video recording of Noser’s performance when Lacey takes the camera away from him. She insists that Pip got his rent money and it’s up to Noser to go public. When he says that nobody is his friend, Lacey kisses him and he turns over the footage. She then slaps him and says she’ll see him around. At Middleman HQ, Wendy tries to console her partner who is forced to admit the success of the ritual validates the fact he and Lacey are in love with each other. Wendy tells him to go for it but he says that if he wanted to be with Lacey, he would be. However, he admits that Lacey isn’t the only woman he loves. He congratulates her and leaves, as Wendy wonders who he’s referring to.
Lacey throws a party to celebrate Noser’s return as Wendy arrives. Pip tries to convince everyone that Noser is a ventriloquist but no one believes that Lacey could have outwitted him. He mentions that Lacey kissed him, and she claims that it was all in the cause of duty. When Wendy asks if she’s had any more sex dreams, she thinks back to her dream… with the Middleman. And back at headquarters, the Middleman considers a gold ceremonial ring, alone.
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The next morning, Lacey has had another sex dream but refuses to admit it. Wendy leaves a message for Noser and is called to work, so Lacey offers to find him. At Middleman HQ, the Middleman and Ida are assembling vampire-killing equipment. The Middleman explains that there are no vampires left after a Middleman killed the last one, and vampires can only be killed with a stake made of Carpathian wood. A collection of artifacts belonging to Vlad the Impaler are up for sale and the Middleman plans to buy it all to prevent a resurrection of vampires. Wendy finally tells him about how Jamie warned her that Noser would be rent limb from limb, and the Middleman speculates that when Wendy went to the Underworld her third eye was opened, letting her hear prophetic voices.
Pip is trying to find Noser to collect his rent money and Lacey ends up with him. Lacey is preoccupied with her sex dreams of Pip and he insists they go look for them together.
En route, the Middleman explains that once a vampire samples its victim’s blood, it knows their memories and dreams. Lacey calls and explains she’s with Pip and Wendy warns her to keep her pants on. The Middleman overhears them and is less than thrilled. They arrive at the auction and the bidding begins with a door hinge. The duo bids on the items and win them all, and the bidding comes to the last surprise item: a puppet Vladdy in the shape of Vlad. The auctioneer explains that the owners of the puppet have all met with tragedy. The auctioneer does a ventriloquist act with the dummy but it comes to life and demands to know where it is and threatens revenge, mentioning an eternal night of blood. The Middleman goes for the stake and hammer but the possessed auctioneer carries it outside. The dummy transforms into a vampire bat puppet and flies away with the auctioneer.
Back at Middleman HQ, the Middleman explains that wooden puppets aren’t affected by sunlight. Wendy suspects that Vladdy is preparing for the Eternal Night of Blood and the Middleman has Ida run a HEYDAR check on its previous owners. She locates a man, Renfield Renquist, who tried the puppet on, on national TV, fifteen years ago. They watch a TV recording where Renfield reluctantly puts Vladdy on and the puppet comes to life, attacking the interviewer and the rest of the crew. Renfield was sent to the insane asylum when the surviving crew was forced to cut his arm off.
Lacey and Pip try to find Noser and Pip is less than thrilled with Lacey’s soft-sell approach. He bets her $20 she can’t get information out of Joe 90. She takes the bet and flatters Joe 90 then gets him to admit that he recorded Noser on a surveillance tape: Pip uses his dad’s money on security to pay Joe 90 to make recordings. Pip is upset that Joe 90 hates him and Lacey tries to comfort him, but he figures she wants him.
Renfield’s doctor explains that the ventriloquist lost so much blood that he suffered partial brain damage and can’t separate reality from imagination. The Middleman draws a face on his hand and communicates with Renfield, who explains that Vladdy will seek out Elizabeth Rousset, his lover. When they were killed by villagers, the vampires’ blood spilled on their favorite puppets and their souls were trapped. Renfield explains that if the two puppets are on the arms of two people married in true love, the puppets will regain bodies. The Middleman calls Ida who reveals that the Elizabeth dummy, Lizzie, is in the Middleman archives. As they go through the archives, Lacey calls again: she has the surveillance footage which shows that Noser met with an Eastern European woman with a suitcase. Wendy suggests they use the HEYDAR to find Noser and the Middleman admits that he’s upset about Pip’s involvement in Lacey’s dream. Wendy goes to use the HEYDAR and calls Lacey with the address, having identified the woman as Irene Dubrovna, while the auctioneer attacks with the puppet. A fight breaks out and Vladdy bites the Middleman before escaping.
The Middleman prepares to depart, having put a Middlewatch on the auctioneer. Ida insists that he take a dose of the anti-vampire vaccine. He’s upset that the vampire didn’t show up on the cameras and realizes that Vladdy has access to all of his memories. Meanwhile, Lacey and Pip head off on her scooter to find Irena. They go to her house and Pip actually manages to pretend to be nice to get the information. She says that Noser swore her to secrecy but finally reveals that Noser’s family hired her to tutor him. Noser was a prodigy and retired at the age of 13 after touring all the great palaces of the world, but she vowed to guard his instrument. Lacey asks where Noser is performing.
The Middleman and Wendy follow the tracking signal to a convention center hosting a grand championship for ventriloquists. Lacey and Pip arrive and Pip concludes that Noser is a ventriloquist and goes to get his camera. Lacey notices the Middleman’s bite and they flirt, while Wendy spots the auctioneer carrying both dummies. She tells Lacey to get Noser out of the convention center, as it’s not safe. They approach the auctioneer and discover that the puppets have left him. He doesn’t remember anything and the Middleman suspects vampire-induced amnesia.
Lacey asks around for Noser, and the other ventriloquists are depressed that he’s there. Another ventriloquist approaches Lacey… holding Vladdy. The vampire lures her away and Wendy spots her a few minutes later. Lacey is holding the Lizzie doll and possessed by it. Vladdy tells the Middleman to put him on: Lacey and the Middleman are in love. The Middleman tells Wendy to save Lacey over himself and then takes Vladdy on his arm. Vladdy demands the stake and calls in other vampire puppet minions. He takes her stake and lets his minions attack her.
Vladdy and Lizzie have their possessed hosts take them to the chapel, while Wendy defeats the minions and goes in pursuit. Vladdy and Lizzie go through with the ceremony while Wendy bumps into Noser and tries to get him out. He tells her he came out of retirement to win the championship with his dummy, Young Noser, because he needs the prize money. Wendy realizes that Jamie was referring to the dummy and it was carved out of the purest Carpathian wood.
In the chapel, the dummies kiss and are reborn in humanoid form, while Lacey and the Middleman become puppets. The vampiric couple starts to summon all of the vampires from across the Earth, but Wendy arrives and shoots them with stakes made out of Young Noser. The Middleman and Lacey are back to normal and Pip arrives, and Wendy covers for them. Pip offers Lacey a ride home and the Middleman suggests she go home with him. Lacey wonders where she got the ring and the Middleman has Wendy escort her friend home while he takes care of things.
Later, Pip is watching his video recording of Noser’s performance when Lacey takes the camera away from him. She insists that Pip got his rent money and it’s up to Noser to go public. When he says that nobody is his friend, Lacey kisses him and he turns over the footage. She then slaps him and says she’ll see him around. At Middleman HQ, Wendy tries to console her partner who is forced to admit the success of the ritual validates the fact he and Lacey are in love with each other. Wendy tells him to go for it but he says that if he wanted to be with Lacey, he would be. However, he admits that Lacey isn’t the only woman he loves. He congratulates her and leaves, as Wendy wonders who he’s referring to.
Lacey throws a party to celebrate Noser’s return as Wendy arrives. Pip tries to convince everyone that Noser is a ventriloquist but no one believes that Lacey could have outwitted him. He mentions that Lacey kissed him, and she claims that it was all in the cause of duty. When Wendy asks if she’s had any more sex dreams, she thinks back to her dream… with the Middleman. And back at headquarters, the Middleman considers a gold ceremonial ring, alone.
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