Archie: There was nothing, absolutely nothing, until the wedding night.
Edith: Yeah and even then.
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(To Gloria regarding having sex)
Michael: Gloria, they don't get out of church until 11:30 and its a ten minute walk so we actually have time to spare.
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(To Edith)
Archie: You're a pip you know that? A real pip.
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Archie: What is wrong with people. I went in there and there was a guy with a pony tail. My heart nearly turned over because I thought I was in the wrong trailer.
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Archie: What sermon? That was socialist propheganda plain and simple. And don't give me that look, you didn't think it was so hot either.
Edith: I said it was different that's all but I didn't curse the Reverand out right there from the first pew.
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Michael: All you care about is your propery and all your items and how you can keep them, that's all you care about.
Archie: You'd care about it too sonny boy if you had anything.
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Michael: I just want to learn more about people.
Archie: Really? Me and your mother-in-law here are people and you're not helping us, why don't you go to work?
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Archie:I didn't had no million people marching and protesting to get me my job!
Edith: No, his uncle got it for him.
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Michael: We just don't see any evidence of God, that's all.
Gloria: That's right, Daddy.
Archie: (mocking Gloria) That's right, Daddy.
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Edith: Maybe if we can just eat a little something.
Archie: Will you stifle you silly dingbat.
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(Regarding Michael)
Archie: Last time I seem him do work around here was when he was lifting his deodorant.
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Gloria: I think it's great that Michael wants to help the underprivileged.
Archie: If he wants to help the underprivileged, he can start with himself. He ain't got no brains, he ain't got no ambition, and if that ain't underprivileged then I don't know what is.
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Edith: Archie, say your'e sorry because if she leaves her she'll be dead inside a year.
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Archie: Give a doctor ten bucks and they'll tell you whatever you want to hear.
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Archie: I never said your black beauties was lazy. It's just their system is geered a little slower than us, that's all.
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Archie: So, what's the matter with "black beauties?"
Edith: It's nicer then when he calls them "coons.".
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Edith: I didn't know you was Jewish.
Archie: What the hell are you talking about?
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Lionel: I was wondering Mr. Bunker, what's with the Jewish word?
Archie: Oh, we got a few heeps that work with us.
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Archie: David and Sarah, right out of the Bible, it has nothing to do with Jews.
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