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Debbie: Are you sure that's the iPad?
Marty: Honey, you tend to remember something you bought your eight year old that you're gonna be paying for the next three years.

Debbie: So guys, we need a small favor. We need a place to hide our Christmas gifts. We got some nosy kids, and... (points to lots of wrapped presents)
Jackie: (jumps excitedly and claps) Ohh! Christmas! I've been so excited for this one!
Larry: Oh, you people.
Jackie: So, we're not excited about this one, either?
Marty: (to Debbie) Here we go.

Debbie: Christmas is about family and smile and the joy of being together. The gifts are just one tiny part of it.
Larry: Oh, yes. And there's that fat, slovenly burglar you call Santa Claus. Honestly. Put on an apron for God's sake, fatso.

Debbie: (to Marty, angrily) What the Hell? Is this the constitution? (Max's list) Who makes amendments to a Christmas list?

Debbie: Let's take a nice vacation somewhere and hang with the family for Christmas. Somewhere nice. Maybe somewhere tropical.
Marty: Yeah, but we can't afford tropical. We just spent a butt-load of money on all their presents.

Amber: So no presents for Christmas this year? Great. You've ruined the one day a year I actually find this family tolerable.
Marty: Oh.
Max: So just to be clear, I've been good all year, and I'm getting lumped in with her?
Abby: Well, I guess a trip for the family sounds fun.
Amber: Oh, zip it, kiss-ass.

Debbie: Oh, I got it Marty. Look at this. "Available time-share in Hawaii. Three bedroom, updated kitchen, short walk to the beach, bidet"!
Marty: (gasps) The tushie-squirting thing? Holy Crap, they have the tushie-squirting thing!

Debbie: She (Amber) had the sweetest look of excitement on her face her first few Christmases. I hang on to that memory when she says hurtful things to me.
Jackie: Ooh, I imagine you must think of that several times a day.
Debbie: Yeah.

Larry plays with an Etch-A-Sketch, thinking it is an iPad.

An Etch-A-Sketch is a mechanical toy used for drawing sketches using two circular knobs that control a stylus inside the device.