Larry: The ball and chain is out managing her burrito joint, earning some Benjamins Buttons to make it rain on my family. I said that right, yes?
Debbie: Killed it.
Larry: I was home alone, and I finally got around to watching golf. And to my abject horror, I discover it is the single most tedious activity on this or any other planet.
Debbie: How have you never watched golf before?
Larry: Well, turns out I had watched it. But what I thought were people walking somewhere to play golf was actually people playing golf. It's just walking around with a stick. My family drive around in golf carts. Look at my clothes. My entire life is defined by a sport I cannot stand.
Max: Abby, DVR status?
Abby: ESPN stays hot all day. We're recording the pre-game show now. There was a conflict between a pre-pre-game show and one of mommy's recordings, but mommy ain't here, is she?
Marty: That's my girl.
Debbie: Oh, Reggie, you're a sweet kid, but I can't help you get into my daughter's pants.
Reggie: Why on earth would I want to wear her pants?
Debbie: Well, that helps.
Max: I got this, dad. Pay attention, Birdman. Those fat guys wrestle, wrestle, wrestle.
Abby: Then the handsome one throws the ball as hard as he can. And then one of the jumpy guys tries to catch it. If you're lucky, someone pretty sings in the middle.
Larry: Is this sports or a Broadway musical?
Larry: Marty, I am really enjoying this, but I do have one question. The ball is shaped like an egg and they rarely touch it with their feet. Why isn't the game called "handegg"?
Jackie: Husband, I love you. You light up my life. But right now, all I really want to do is sit alone on our comfy couch and snuggle with Chelsea Handler.
Larry: Oh! She's so snarky. And I love how she pretends that she's 38. Such chutzpah.
Chelsea Handler is a comedian that hosts a talk show that skewers celebrities.
Marty: Well, now, we won't see it, but the coach gets to give a great speech like Al Pacino in "Any Given Sunday."
Any Given Sunday was a 1999 motion picture about a football coach and the team he leads.