Greg: (Meeting Dharma for the first time) Dharma Finkelstein?
Dharma: Yeah, I know. My dad was Jewish, but he wished he was the Dalai Lama
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Dharma: My family lived in Reno for a couple years 'til my dad fixed the van.
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Greg: I'd usually exchange phone numbers with you, we'd start dating, things would go pretty well at first, until I started calling you too much, then you'd get annoyed and start screening your calls, so I call you really late 'cause I know you'll be home, you pick up, I panic, hang up, you star-69 me, I'm too embarrassed to ever talk to you again, so we break up.
Dharma: Aaack! Let's not do that!
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(Dharma hears Greg's cell phone ringing, finds it in the pocket of his trousers hanging on the bed post, answers it)
Dharma: Greg's pants.(pause) He's not in them right now.
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Dharma: I was just so sure he was the one.
Abby: I know, darlin'. Maybe someday he will be. That's what reincarnation is for.
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Dharma: You must have had to compromise a lot for Larry.
Abby: Well, not really. Not anything I had to stick with. Your father blew out his short-term memory back in 1972
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Greg: Married, I can’t believe it…are we nuts?
Dharma: Yea… but think of the great story we’ll be able to tell our children.
Greg: Oh good you want to have children.
Dharma: Yea, unless you want to have them
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Dharma: Greg... I want you to meet Stinky... and this is Stinky's dog, Nunzio.
Greg: Stinky has his own dog?
Dharma: Yeah... it was his Bar mitzvah present.
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Kitty: Gregory, if you care about this girl you will end this marriage now.
Greg: How can you say that?
Kitty: Darling, I know free spirits like her. I went to Vassar and believe me, after a few years of hanging on your arm at political dinners with this fake smile pasted on her face, all she will be good for is crawling into a bottle of Chardonnay with a Nieman Marcus catalog and a bottle of Valium the size of your head...or so one imagines.
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Dharma: You know you can scream anything you want to at a baseball game and it doesn't even have to make sense.
Greg: No.
Dharma: Yeah. Watch this...Come on big guy; drive your coffee table to Idaho.
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Greg: I can't stop thinking about that girl on the train. I'm an idiot. I should have gone after her; I should have talked to her.
Pete: No, you shouldn't have. I'll tell you why. You would have gone over to her and said something like, "You were looking at me-I know you want me." Next thing you know you're rolling around on the floor with a face full of pepper spray.
Greg: Good talking to you Pete
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Jane: (Hugging Greg) If you cause my friend any emotional pain whatsoever, I'll punish you in ways you can't even imagine
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