Dilbert: Look Dogbert, I've spent a lot of time working on this product. The Gruntmaster 6000 is my baby even though it bears no resemblance to what I orginally conceived. Are you listening to any of this?
Dogbert: (not paying attention) You conceived a baby and it bears no resemblance to you.

Dilbert: I'm sorry Alice, but he's the embodiment of all that's horrid and loathsome in this world.
Alice: Just because it's written on a bathroom wall doesn't mean it's true.
Dilbert: He wrote it.

Dilbert: Here's one for you, why do women see the fact that I'm kind, sensitive, and caring as some sort of weakness?
Dogbert: It's merely a function of cultural conditioning. That and the fact you look like the illegitimate child of Bill Gates and the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Dogbert: Did you know there are no laws in space?

Dilbert: What qualifications do you have to fly on the space shuttle?
Dogbert: None, but strangely enough that doesn't disqualify me.

When Bob Bastard collects the $50 from Alice, he says he has $100.