Neal: I'm Jewish. That's no cakewalk either. Last year I was elected school treasurer. I didn't even run!

Daniel: I love being told not to drink by a pot-head hippie guidance counselor.

Lindsay: All my new friends think I'm a goody-two-shoes and all my old friends think I'm throwing my life away. What am I supposed to do?

Lindsay: Well, my house is so boring looking...so I just wanted to make it look more party-like.
Ken: Well I'll tell you how to make it look more party-like. Point me to the keg.
Nick: Oh yeah.
Lindsay: In the corner.
Ken: Then I am in the corner.

Harold: Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans.
Sam: No. But he died on the toilet.
Harold: Well, that's paradise compared to where the Sex Pistols are gonna end up.

Neal: Bill, Dallas sucks.
Bill: You suck! Dallas rules!

Sam: Keg of beer, please.
Liquor Store Clerk: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Neal [to Lindsay] : Friday night. Always a good time for some Sabbath. [pause] 'Cause, you know...Friday...is the Sabbath...for the Jews.

Lindsay: We're all unhappy. That's the thing about life.

[Bill is passed out on the floor]
Lindsay: Hey, Bill. Get up. That's how the drummer from Led Zeppelin died.

Harold made a wisecrack about the Sex Pistols which made it sound like the band was still active. The episode was supposed to be set in 1980, but the Sex Pistols had already broken up in early 1978.

Cindy says she will be a designated driver? She is in the same grade as Sam, so she couldn't be older than 15 .