Neal: I'm Jewish. That's no cakewalk either. Last year I was elected school treasurer. I didn't even run!
Daniel: I love being told not to drink by a pot-head hippie guidance counselor.
Lindsay: All my new friends think I'm a goody-two-shoes and all my old friends think I'm throwing my life away. What am I supposed to do?
Lindsay: Well, my house is so boring looking...so I just wanted to make it look more party-like.
Ken: Well I'll tell you how to make it look more party-like. Point me to the keg.
Nick: Oh yeah.
Lindsay: In the corner.
Ken: Then I am in the corner.
Harold: Elvis didn't expectorate on his fans.
Sam: No. But he died on the toilet.
Harold: Well, that's paradise compared to where the Sex Pistols are gonna end up.
Neal: Bill, Dallas sucks.
Bill: You suck! Dallas rules!
Sam: Keg of beer, please.
Liquor Store Clerk: Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
Neal [to Lindsay] : Friday night. Always a good time for some Sabbath. [pause] 'Cause, you know...Friday...is the Sabbath...for the Jews.
Lindsay: We're all unhappy. That's the thing about life.
[Bill is passed out on the floor]
Lindsay: Hey, Bill. Get up. That's how the drummer from Led Zeppelin died.