C.O. Alvarez: Get up, House.
Dr. House: Must be some mistake. I specifically requested my wakeup startle three hours from now.
Dr. House: Nice painting. Blues and greens. Calming, but with a hint of nurturing. Totally offsets the stench of suffering and death. Where's my patient? We need to not talk.
Dr. Foreman: Get this straight. You break the law, you go back to jail. Scam extra Vicodin, back to jail. Flout my authority, make the hospital look bad, back to jail. I own you.
Dr. House: Yassa, massa.
Dr. Foreman: See, that would be an example.
Dr. House: Prison! Sorry. I thought I heard everyone else think that. I was in prison, you see. It was a long time ago, but still you're curious. Never was raped, not raped-raped. Well, raped-raped, but not raped-raped-raped. Well, now that we've got that complete behind us.
Dr. Ron Simpson: Sorry, Dr. House. Welcome back.
Dr. House: Is there cake?
Dr. House: Okay, I'll go first. My boss dumped me, and yours what? Called you his china doll? Joked about what a crappy deal you got for Manhattan? Assumed that you had a huge penis? I have no idea what flavor you are, so I thought I'd just cover the spread.
Dr. Park: My mom's Filipino, dad's Korean, and my boss grabbed my behind.
Dr. House: Behind what? Oh, yeah, your--grabbed your tushy.
Mr. Weathers: I told you, my son didn't do cocaine.
Dr. House: Druggies are not known for their honesty. Trust me on this one.
Dr. House: Running away from home is a time-honored tradition. But you're not doing it to flee your parents, you're doing it to protect them. That's an insult to everything teen prostitutes have worked for.
Dr. House: Nice.
Dr. Wilson: What?
Dr. House: Nothing.
Dr. Wilson: Don't start that.
Dr. House: Start what? I'm enjoying our conversation. The repartee.
Dr. Wilson: There was no repartee.
Dr. House: That was repartee.
Dr. Park: I told you I'm Korean and Filipino.
Dr. House: And I told you I wasn't listening. By my actions.
Dr. Wilson: House, the nurses saw you come in.
Dr. House: Enter.
Dr. Wilson: It's a bathroom.
Dr. House: Ah, explains the hole in this chair.
Dr. Park: Why aren't you more alarmed? We're running out of time.
Dr. House: Ahhhh, she's dying! Were you able to figure out what was wrong while I was screaming?
Dr. Park: Did you use metaphors for your old team? Or do you just think I'm particularly stupid?
Dr. House: No, they were stupid too.
Dr. House: But just do whatever you have to do to get over this. Punch me in the face, kick me in the nuts. Either or. Both seems excessive.
Dr. House: Kato. Get Black Beauty and meet me out front.
Kato is the driver of the Black Beauty, a high-tech car with weapons, in The Green Hornet radio serial and subsequent TV, movie, and comic book adaptations.
Dr. House: It's not as bad as a thousand people going down in a gigantic boat, right?
The RNS Titanic sank in 1912. The comments that House makes and the music he plays are from the 1997 movie Titanic.